I rode the bus home from work (again) today and had yet another ephinany (for some reason, the bus does that to me). Anyway, it was a man and what I presume was his daughter that triggered the thought. They got on, carrying a rented video tape and a black case that VCRs tend to come in when rented. Normally, it may not have phased me, but this was in an area where a lot of homeless and very poor get on and off so I presumed that these two were of the latter (after all, their clothes and hair appeared of the sort). Well, it occurred to me that this man had, maybe in a rare instance, custudy of his daughter and he had rented this VCR in order to give her a sense of what's "normal" in our society. He rented it because he couldn't afford it. He didn't have the spare $60.

"So what?" you ask...well, I'm getting there. It reminded me of this time, a couple years back when I was waiting tables sometime around Christmas. In my section, was an obviously poor man and his obviously estranged son, together for the holidays so that the man could give his kid the gifts that he had wrapped up for him. The smile on that kid's face was priceless. Not that he was getting stuff, but that he was with his dad...that he knew that he was LOVED. That was nice, but then I started thinking about the lives that these two lead. This kid, he was so damn lucky, and I couldn't help but think that he had that good, but that everything else in his life was shit. He didn't have enough money to ever go to college. He didn't have what it takes to be "cool" in school and therefore have a bunch of friends. Hell, he might not even have much support at home, his parents may be working all the time to scrounge up enough money to eat. I realise that a lot of those things don't really matter in life, but they sure as hell make life easier...their lack making life difficult to point of near impossibility. It made me think about how kids like this...damn good kids with a good smile and the ability to be kind to others...can't get ahead in life. This kid could be a great writer, a genious scientist, the fucking greatest President in all of history, but he won't, he just won't -- all because he can't fucking afford the little things that are necessary to really get training, accredidation, and just good old fashioned education that it takes to move from fucking great individual to just plain GREAT. It makes me sick.

But I got to thinking today on the bus. I started to wonder about how those that have it better than me view me. If such a sight depresses me because something as stupid as money can hold them back from impacting the world, do those with money view me in the same light? I wish they did, but I don't think they do. If they did, I can't help but think that the world would be a better place to live in. I mean, if people actually felt shame (as I did) that they had so much while others have so little in comparison, maybe they would share. And I'm not just talking money here, I'm talking about spirit, ideas, compassion. Hell, maybe nobody would be left to starve or feel so trapped in life that they need to commit crimes and hurt other people to get by. I don't know. Maybe I'm just letting molehills become mountains in my mind, but it really has gotten me thing. Really.