I went up to my Aunt's this past weekend. While there, she asked me if I had put flowers on my Mom's grave any time recently. Well, I haven't, and I suck as a liar, so I told her that, no, I haven't. I didn't say so, but the truth is that I haven't been to my Mom's grave in a couple years (she died three years ago). The thing is, I feel nothing when I'm there...In my mind, I only feel what I should - that I am standing on a more or less random patch of sod six feet under which lie the remains of my mother, the only reason for knowing this being a large, smooth rock with my Mom's name on it. I don't know. I think about her every day, always something -- a woman her age, a note she had written me, a photo, a random thought -- reminds me of her and causes me to think about how much I miss her. The tangible things are what more meaningful for me, the things that link me to some experience with my mother, and that sort of thing just doesn't exist there at the gravesite. I didn't explain this to my aunt, but she still kind of made me feel like a creep, like I had some sort of moral obligation to drive forty-five minutes and drop some flowers in front of her headstone even though it means nothing to me to do so. As if I am obligated to show my love for my mom in such a way that other people can look upon it and say "yeah, he really did love his mum". Am I wrong in thinking that this line of thinking is full of shit? If I get nothing out of visiting her grave, and assuming that she doesn't get anything out of it, I can't think of any good reason to do so. I don't know. I know that probably nobody reads this and will therefore not reply, but I needed to post this nonetheless.