I almost can't stand it anymore. I can't stand the way that people suck, generally. I mean, not everyone sucks all the time (some do) but everyone does tend to suck once and awhile. I don't know. I was delivering today, as a favor to a friend who needed to track someone down, and it was horrible. That that I was helping her, I enjoy helping her, but everything else that was involved just sucked. First, it rained. By "rained" I don't mean sprinkle, I mean the shit that would've gotten Noah's ark afloat had it gone on for a few hours. It took me a minute, maybe too, to get drenched down to the skin -- through two shirts, through shorts and underwear. Just soaked. That's bad enough by itself, but what made it ten, no twenty, times worse was the fact that people weren't tipping worth shit. I would show up at their door looking like a drowned rat and they wouldn't think twice about not sparing me a dime. Just shut the door, say thank you, and continue on their merry little life. For me, it was turn around, enter the downpour and jump across puddles hoping that my feet wouldn't get more wet and uncomfrotable, all the while cursing quite a bit. Of course, I was broke while getting more wet. Why are people such assholes? Taking advantage of me and everything. But then, I should be used to it.

The other thing that really bothers me about today is really just a straw, nothing really, but something that once and awhile just seems heavier than usual. I don't know, maybe it's just jealousy or something, but it still bothers m anyway. While delivering today, an order popped up that came to $400 and change. It was their third of the day and they supposedly tipped well the first two times, so it could be assumed they would this time as well. Well, I was only working with one other guy, and this guy had taken the first two as well. But, by the time this order was ready to go out, he was up and it was, in every way his. However, I have been in the same position -- myself having had several large deliveries with big tips while the other driver having the usual fare of ghetto runs and thirteen-year-old babysitters who don't know any better. When the next big run comes up, I share it. I always have, and I rack my brain thinking of a time that I haven't. I mean, that's just the right thing to do, isn't it? Share? I feel guilty when I'm, making money when the other driver isn't, and I just visualize myself in their shoes -- not making a dime while I'm "raking it in". It just seems natural to say "go ahead and take it." You know? Anyway, he didn't. And that's bad enough except for the fact that I always saw this guy as a "nice guy"...someone a lot like me and with a good sense of, I don't know, compassion. But he didn't even think twice about handing off the run to me as most people would. I even "suggested" It by mentioning how it might be difficult to get all the pizza and pop into his small car. But nothing. I got to head out for the ghetto, to a woman who cheated me out of a penny, let alone stiffed me. It just makes me wonder about how "nice" people are actually capable of being.

I mean, I live by the idea that I should do onto others better than I would have them do onto me, that is what Jesus REALLY taught, that is how I want to be. But I can't help but think that that sort of thinking is completely antiquated and just plain foriegn to the masses that I encounter every day. I can't help but wondering if I hould change knowing damn well that it would be impossible for me to do so. But I still think I should which leads me to the thoughts of worthlessness that comes along with being "not up to date" with the world. I mean, I can't be trusted by many people because I'm too "goody-goody". I can't have a real relationship, I can't really do the things that I feel I need to do to truly be happy. I mean, I'm the nicest person that I know -- the most honest, the most selfless (though obviously not the most modest) -- but I can't feel that that's a negative thing. I mean, nice guys finish last in the end, don't they? It's been my experience that that's the case. Anyway...