I feel I need to explain the post from yesterday, but at the same time I think that it would get too personal if I did. Suffice to say, I watched the movie Amalie and the plot of the entire movie seemed to mimic my life to a tee...aside from the happy ending. I once was in love, and we played a silly little game in coming together, but things took a turn and I have not seen her in years. A broken heart, it seems, takes a long, long time to heal completely, especially if you have spent so long pushing away the hurt with excuse-making and blame-setting. Amalie brought back bad memories of that time as well as the fact that countless times in the past I have been too naive, too blind to see that a girl here or there was showing interest in me.

Also, I have gotten e-mails lately offering me help from very kind people that read this blog...please do not be worried about me, I am okay. This sort of public discourse, however one-sided, is just my way of airing out issues in my head -- a sort of forcing myself to commit to ideas rather than dwell in a stew of wishy-washy ponderings. I do, however, truly appreciate the concern that you have shared. Thank you.

Some may see my topic of discussion lately as being a cry out in loneliness, but really it is not. I don't think so at least. I truly feel pain when I see people chasing ghosts, that is, false cures for their disease. Too many people have deep, deep holes in their souls that they try to fill with money or drugs, sex or love, power or fame thinking that that will solve their problems. And often times, they think it works, a placebo effect maybe, but I sense their emptiness still, their pain -- even if they do not. It pains me to see people in that mindset. But helping others through their problems helps me avoid my own, at least for a little which is alright because I don't like dealing with my own problems anyway (and who does?). It's just one of those things that ties me even more to that stupid little French film that screwed up my life...