Wednesday, September 18

Okay, so I finally have internet access at home. We put the fucking order in for telephone service THREE WEEKS ago and it got hooked up today. So anyway, anyone that can choose TDS METROCOM for phone service, DON'T unless you got lotsa time to not have a phone. It's all good not having a phone for phone calls, since I use my cell phone, but damn do I miss having daily internet access.

Anyway, I just feel like posting a life lesson for all the kids that read this blog on a regular or semi-regular basis. The topic, of course, is the meaning of life. I'm not saying that I have any particular expertise in the matter, but I am a pretty observant guy and all, and I've been noticing a lot of shit in the world lately that's gotten me on the subect. It's just that I see a lot of hatred, A LOT of hatred out there, what with the lust that so many of my fellow Americans have for killing tens, hundreds, or thousands of thousands of Iraqis just because one psycho, ONE, might, MIGHT, have the capability to MAYBE make a weapon or two that he MIGHT use against Americans. Yeah, Saddam's an ass, but the thing is, invasion will just piss of thousands more to the point that we might get tens of Saddams, Mohammed Attahs, or Osama bin Ladens. But I digress...

The thing that's really gotten me going is just watching ordinary people on the streets, at bars, at the store and everywhere else. Hell, just thinking about them has gotten me going. So many of them, maybe some of you even, are so caught up in things that they're missing the big picture. I mean, so many people live for such things as money or sex or "stuff" or any host of material possesions. Others live for hate, wanting to destroy anything that they can't deem "holy" or good. I don't know, it's sad, really. There's so much more to life than getting a good job or getting laid or married, or buying shit. There just is. I mean, that kind of stuff is all nice and all, but it won't get you anywhere, at least not in the heart.

I don't know, I see a lot of people in pain. Not so much in the physical sense, obviously, but in the spiritual/emotional sense. So many people trying to fill the proverbial "God shaped hole" with drugs and orgasms. It tears me apart inside. I want to tell people how they can help themselves, but they don't listen. They got it all figured out, they say, but they just keep shoveling the shit in there, never getting anyewhere but convincing themselves that they're "moving on up" all the time nonetheless. I fdon't know. People just don't seem to get that there's more to life, that there's something better than what all the Gap commericals and glossy magazines tell us. Something more than even what they teach at churches, temples, and mosques...at least as has been my experience. I mean, so much is put into the idea of action, of "doing" something that will bring happiness, that the whole idea of just being is lost. The whole notion that we are each and every one of else an individual with our own centers of conciousness and our own sets of dreams and ambitions, ideals and beliefs, needs and desires, is lost on the masses. What we want is what we think we want. What we think we want is what we're told we want. What we're told we want is what can benefit someone, somewhere -- whether that benefit be monetary, social, or otherwise. The whole idea of being has been thrown out the window with the bath water and the baby. We have been made into Consumers. Not just of stuff, but of everything -- notions of love, ideas of democracy, beliefs in worldview -- and no longer does anyone have the time to really sit back and appreciate the fact that they simply exist.

What I'm getting at is that existence itself is a beautiful thing. I mean, you are the sole possessor of your thoughts and dreams. You are the sole possessor of YOU. That may sound corny, but the fact of the matter is that when you die, so will your dreams, so will your beliefs, so will your thoughts and emotions. They all exist because of you. You are their sustainers, their providers, their purpose. And so many people dog them out in order to fit in with whatever the fucking pricks on Madison Avenue or in editorial offices or fashion studios around the world is "cool" or, more radically, "important". You don't need to wear the right clothes, date the right people, drink the right drinks, or even, more deeply, worship who or what they say is the right god, believe what they tell you is the "truth", or think of yourself what they tell you you should. You gotta follow your heart, and search out your own truths, they're in there, you just gotta dig them them out, however hard that might be. And believe me, I've done that myself. I've gone through periods of my life where I gave up on everything that I knew -- I shoved away friends that I was friends with for the worng reasons, I gave up belief in a God that I believed in for the wrong reasons, I gave up everything I believed about society because of the wrong reasons -- but the thing is, I came back from that dismal place and became a better person because of it. I got better friends, ones that honestly cared about. I reaffirmed belief in God in my own terms and without dogma that has strengthened my faith in such a way that I can't remember the last time I doubted that He existed. I learned compassion and, most importantly, the power of agape Love and how much power one feels when he forgoes hate, remorse, and all those other negative emotions that bring a person down. I became a better person and I believe for the life of me that that was because I gave up, I surrendered, all that I knew and allowed new, purer, thoughts to reshape me as I am today...and I honestly believe that I am a damn good person today and I would never go back and not walk down that dark, dark passage again, painful as it might have been. Though I may doubt myself, and even be depreessed most of the time, I am honest to God happy with the person that I am today and though there are aspects of my life that may be screwy, sad, or downright depressing, I think that I am happy.

And there we come to it, the meaning of life. That is, "happiness". Happiness, of course, is itself a tricky subect that many could and have written volumes on. But I think it can all be simplified...be true to yourself, do what you feel is right, and never, ever let anyone take over your thoughts or emotions for you and you'll find it. Want will dissappear and in its place you will find a sort of peacefullness, or at least a shorter list of needs. Life becomes less complicated, more able to be handled, and in the end, simpler.

I don't know, this has been a long post, but I just wanted to get that out. There are people in my life that need to hear what I've said, and I'm sure billions out there that I don't know that could stand to hear it too.

Now get back to whatever you were doing before reading all the way down to here. Please?

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