I am happy, I really am, but I don't think that that many people understand that. I mean, I like myself, I really do, and there isn't much that I would change about myself if I could. But lately, people have been making comments that tell me that noone really realizes that I am. I have been told that I am too negative (which, I guess I can understand...but for reasons I will get to), too emotional, too bitchy, that I "look upset", "seem unhappy", and the list goes on and on and on...it seems sometimes that everybody has a comment for Kyle.
But, like I said, I am happy. I understand what life is about, as much as one really can, and that we are all here for a reason, that we are to Love all things unconditionally, that we are to leave this world in a better condition than when we found it. We are to search ourselves, find ourselves, and most importantly, accept ourselves and in so doing, eleviate ourselves from the scourge of "need" in recogognizing that much of what we "need" is no more than want. Envy, Jealousy, Hate, and all other vices soon wash away as life becomes more simple, more beautiful, more happy. This is what Jesus, the Buddha, and oh so many people throughout the ages have found and taught -- to varying degrees -- but I think that it is a simple truth, it makes sense, and for me, it works.
But with happiness, as I have found, comes loneliness. A loneliness that arises from being misunderstood, to some degree, but also in an unhappiness equal and opposite to true happiness when one sees so many people struggling with their lives and trying to fill huge holes in their hearts with worthless junk...overemphaised wants. To see people obsessed with sex, with money, with power or fame upsets me in a deeply, deeply profound way as I realize that they are chasing ghosts and shadows, the proverbial dog chasing its tail.
And so I give out my advice...which is what this post is really about. Advice that gets me in trouble more often than it helps out those that I am trying to help. Today I caught myself counselling my manager who was having a bad day, wanting to quit. "You're a good guy," I almost said, "You don't need to put up with this shit"...but I caught myself. I didn't say it, and I'm glad. Perhaps people need to find things out for themselves, perhaps these things can not be taught or truly learned through anything but one's own, personal, experiences. That is, after all, how I learned. And so I think that I have to learn from the lessons that life is teaching me, finally listening to all that has been shown to me. I need to stop "suggesting" things for people, offering unsolicited advice, trying to tell them, in effect, what to do with their lives. Sure, my open heart can be out there on my sleve for them to access, come to when they need a friend or someone to talk to, but I need to stop shoving my nose in other peoples' faces. Yeah, it's all in good conscience, my "help", but it's annoying to the people that I do it to. It has to be. And, in the end, it probably causes more problems than it solves. In any case, I just wanted to post that...I know that I promised a lessening of personal posts, but sometimes you need to scream things out to the world for it to really get in your head...and this has been bothering me quite a bit for the last couple weeks.
It's not something about me that upsets me, it's what I do with who I am...I wouldn't give up my willingness to help out others for the world...I just need to figure out where and when it's wanted.
But, like I said, I am happy. I understand what life is about, as much as one really can, and that we are all here for a reason, that we are to Love all things unconditionally, that we are to leave this world in a better condition than when we found it. We are to search ourselves, find ourselves, and most importantly, accept ourselves and in so doing, eleviate ourselves from the scourge of "need" in recogognizing that much of what we "need" is no more than want. Envy, Jealousy, Hate, and all other vices soon wash away as life becomes more simple, more beautiful, more happy. This is what Jesus, the Buddha, and oh so many people throughout the ages have found and taught -- to varying degrees -- but I think that it is a simple truth, it makes sense, and for me, it works.
But with happiness, as I have found, comes loneliness. A loneliness that arises from being misunderstood, to some degree, but also in an unhappiness equal and opposite to true happiness when one sees so many people struggling with their lives and trying to fill huge holes in their hearts with worthless junk...overemphaised wants. To see people obsessed with sex, with money, with power or fame upsets me in a deeply, deeply profound way as I realize that they are chasing ghosts and shadows, the proverbial dog chasing its tail.
And so I give out my advice...which is what this post is really about. Advice that gets me in trouble more often than it helps out those that I am trying to help. Today I caught myself counselling my manager who was having a bad day, wanting to quit. "You're a good guy," I almost said, "You don't need to put up with this shit"...but I caught myself. I didn't say it, and I'm glad. Perhaps people need to find things out for themselves, perhaps these things can not be taught or truly learned through anything but one's own, personal, experiences. That is, after all, how I learned. And so I think that I have to learn from the lessons that life is teaching me, finally listening to all that has been shown to me. I need to stop "suggesting" things for people, offering unsolicited advice, trying to tell them, in effect, what to do with their lives. Sure, my open heart can be out there on my sleve for them to access, come to when they need a friend or someone to talk to, but I need to stop shoving my nose in other peoples' faces. Yeah, it's all in good conscience, my "help", but it's annoying to the people that I do it to. It has to be. And, in the end, it probably causes more problems than it solves. In any case, I just wanted to post that...I know that I promised a lessening of personal posts, but sometimes you need to scream things out to the world for it to really get in your head...and this has been bothering me quite a bit for the last couple weeks.
It's not something about me that upsets me, it's what I do with who I am...I wouldn't give up my willingness to help out others for the world...I just need to figure out where and when it's wanted.
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