Man, I've been playing the ol' role of big brother to my fourteen year old brother too ruthlessly, too mindlessly lately. I need to lay off of that, I need to not try to corrupt the poor kid. I'm just playing the role of big brother the way that I had wished I had had a big brother to play the role for me when I was his age, and that's ridiculous. I had wished I had a big brother to talk about girls with, to get me porn, and to hook me up with booze and all that pubescent boys are so eager to "experiment" with at that age...and maybe I'd help him out if he asked...maybe not. But I shouldn't press the issue like I have, it's kinda creepy...kind of not like me at all. All I can say is that it's tough having been a real loser back in the teen years and now old enough to know all the "rules" that could have made me "cool" and to now have a brother entering those years himself. I wanna help him out, make it easier on him...but it's things like that that need to be addressed as he brings them up, not me.

I mean, the last thing I want to do is mess him up -- thinking that drinking and sex are more important that individualism and respect for others...even though I try to put that stuff in perspective, he's still too young to really understand the differences.

Oh well, I haven't screwed him up yet, not even close. He's a good kid. But I need to watch myself to make sure that I don't give him any wrong ideas. I never realized what I might be doing until tonight.