I was writing about the resiliency of the human spirit the other night while working on my book. In that case, it had to do with the way that people rebounded very, very quickly after the plane that we were all on almost ended up cartwheeling down the runway on landing. However, I find it even more true in my own life as of late in that two weeks ago, I was moping about and couldn't care less about anything, and then suddenly everything came into focus and I felt much, much better. Today, I feel good, as I have for the last two weeks. I feel as though I was able to battle my demons and win, or at least accept the fact that some demons are not something that I can fight as they are part of being human, which is as good as beating them in my book. I feel now like I could take on the world if I felt so inclined, and in that feeling I have been able to do a lot of writing these past few days (on average, 2000 words or more on my book in addition to everything that I post here and other short stories and essays that I have been finding myself writing)...I'm seriously thinking that I will have a rough 60,000+ manuscript done by the end of January, something that I can then work on to clean it up and then try to find a publisher or agent or just publish excerpts in zines and hope that someone important reads it and wants to see the rest of it. (or maybe some publisher out there reads this blog and would like to see it...wink, wink).

In any case, I find it incredible that I have been able to do an about face on my take on life and see things in such a more beautiful light. For the first time in months, a year even, I feel alive and I honestly can't wait to see what tomorrow holds...I couldn't say that for so long. It kills me because I don't really understand what changed in my life, nothing substatntial that I know of did at least, it's just that things "clicked". Maybe I gave up some sort of idea that I needed to control fate or something, maybe I just allowed pragmatism to re-enter my worldview enough to balance out hope and dreams. I don't know...but it feels really, really good.