No, you know what I need? (This kept me up last night) I need someone, or many someones, to tell me stuff about me that isn't "you're wonderful kyle" "you're amazing kyle" "you're an awesome guy kyle" "you'll find love someday kyle"...blah blah blah. I have heard that all my life and, frankly, it has given me a complex. I am not naturally a narcissist, I want to have my feet on the ground, but when everyone tells you that you're great and that they can't think of anything specific about you that's not wonderful, well, it kind of makes your head big. I'm not perfect, not even close, I feel that in my heart...but if one was to take everything that everyone ever says about me, you'd think I was. Shit, a stranger might think you were talking about the Second-Coming when people start talking about me. I don't know if that makes any sense, but it's ripping me apart. Seriously. I mean, it's one of those things that is probably opposite what other people want and wish for, but I don't care. It leaves me feeling like no one's ever honest with me because, frankly, if I were so damn perfect, I wouldn't be so damn lonely.
So hop to it...fill up my comment box all you crazy people that read this blog. I will seriously be thankful.
<<...edited to start the ball rolling...>>
Okay, so I'll start. My biggest fault that I face every day that I'm alive is my horribly wretched social skills. I'm not talking manners or anything here (generally impecable), but just my face to face interactions with people. I can never say what I want to say, letting myself get off track in a conversation is so pathetically easy to me. When I want to say something important, I almost never do just because something else comes up and I start going on on that and forget, until after the conversation is over, what it was I wanted to say. That and, just like when I write, I am uber-meticulous about my word choices -- I used to just say what came to my mind, but now (except when I'm drunk) I think about what I'm going to say and it creates these long pauses in my speaking that seems to bother the hell out of people. And then I try to break up the tension that that creates with a sudden joke or something and its taken the wrong way because of the fact that it doesn't belong in the serious conversation I'm trying to have.
Anyway, keep 'em coming (or start)...I'm sick of being perfect.
So hop to it...fill up my comment box all you crazy people that read this blog. I will seriously be thankful.
<<...edited to start the ball rolling...>>
Okay, so I'll start. My biggest fault that I face every day that I'm alive is my horribly wretched social skills. I'm not talking manners or anything here (generally impecable), but just my face to face interactions with people. I can never say what I want to say, letting myself get off track in a conversation is so pathetically easy to me. When I want to say something important, I almost never do just because something else comes up and I start going on on that and forget, until after the conversation is over, what it was I wanted to say. That and, just like when I write, I am uber-meticulous about my word choices -- I used to just say what came to my mind, but now (except when I'm drunk) I think about what I'm going to say and it creates these long pauses in my speaking that seems to bother the hell out of people. And then I try to break up the tension that that creates with a sudden joke or something and its taken the wrong way because of the fact that it doesn't belong in the serious conversation I'm trying to have.
Anyway, keep 'em coming (or start)...I'm sick of being perfect.
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