I wanted to thank my readers for their kind comments that they posted about my post of 24 hours ago. I take them to heart. I mean that. Thank you. But in any case I wanted to share with you a short that I wrote a few years ago about the sort of feelings that I am feeling right now. Of course, I must add that it was written at a time when I was obsessed with Arthurian Legend:

Galahad

I am Galahad, a knight of virtue in a land where no grail is to be found, unable to slay the modern beast. The grail was forever lost years ago but I, unknowing that it was destroyed, continued my quest for an unfindable find. For years I searched, for years I sacrificed, no one telling me that I was doing so in futility. None can be blamed for my ignorance – it was my own curse, the product of my keeping my expedition a secret I shared only with God.

Years were spent training for my inevitable failure, spent cleansing myself of sin and protecting myself from being dirtied by the shit of the world. I kept myself pure, I kept myself free from material want. I was indeed up to the task, but the task was not to be had.

No, instead I wasted years preparing for failure rather than dealing with the reality of this world. I kept my eyes ahead and above, never learning how to tread the Earth as it is. Instead, I must now unlearn virtue, unlearn chastity, and begin a new walk running to catch up with the world as it left me behind. I must learn how to hate, I must learn how to sneer, I must learn how to love those who do not love me in return.

I am Galahad, most adored of Camelot’s sons, lacking the strength of my father Lancelot and the temperament to gain the hand a sweet princess. I fear the dragon, I fear love, I fear that I will not be able to contend.