Today, for whatever reason (pure boredom perhaps), I was thinking about Joe Millionaire all day and how that show has become so much like my life. Generally in love, people gravitate towards two different types and Evan is doing that. See, he has two girls left that are very different from one another...one, Sarah, he is attracted to on an emotional and physical level while the other, Zora, he is attracted to on a more spiritual level (if that's what you want to call it...I am). Sarah is fun to be with, she's got a rocket body and all that jazz but that is his attraction to her. Zora, on the other hand, he is attracted to not because she is fun (after all, his most tense moments on the show seem to be with Zora) or anything like that, but because he sees himself in her I think. He sees her as an equal in the spiritual sense.

But why was I thinking about this all day, you ask, am I nuts? Am I out of my mind? Wazzup an shee-it? It's because I identify with the predicament. Not to say that I have been in Evan's shoes before -- with two women both vying for my heart at one time -- but because I've been in Zora's. So many times in my life there has been a girl who I've had that same sort of Evan-Zora connection with but everytime it happens, there's this Sarah-like guy who comes in and starts dancing all funky and promising all the cheesy and self-centered stuff of a relationship to the girl and it distracts her away from me...after all, he's "more fun" being willing to fuck her and use her and shower her with beautiful lies and the like...and the girl always falls for it. She is blinded by his nice car and fancy clothes and sweet whispers and warm bed and big dick and whatever other sort of metaphorical stereotypes one can come up with and in being so blinded cannot see my heart -- my one true asset, but the greatest asset of them all, more precious than all the gold, words, sweat, and cuteness wrapped up that that guy can give. The girl gets all caught up in the niceness of the vain relationship that she can't even begin to think about appreciating the deepness of a relationship with me. They always fall for the trappings of (I use the word even though it will make someone think I am talking of her, though this entry is not directed at her) comfort in a relationship...that feel good crap that makes people act all cute and giddy and smiley. Not that that's not important or anything, but it's much much much more important to have substance in a relationship than just "good times" because, after all, life will eventually throw shit into your fan and when it hits, comfort and feel good ain't gonna get you nowhere and a relationship based on it primarily is gonna go bye-bye in a hury making the shit even shittier because now you have to clean it up alone instead of with someone that really cares even in the rough times.

All the girls that have rejected me in the past for another man have found that out for themselves and I have no sympathy for them. I offered them my heart and they instead went for another man's dick. A couple of past interests have gone insane (by that I mean total lifestyle changes because the guy she chose over me screwed her over in a big big way) and a couple have tried to reconnect with me as if to beg for my forgiveness after the stabbed me in the back like that.