The sorrows of young Kyle:
I find it odd that I am so damn good at figuring out people, understanding what they are thinking, and otherwise having a good grasp on their emotions and feelings but I am oblivious to how people regard me. I have always been this way...I can look at a total stranger and tell you what they're thinking, I can look at a friend and know instantly what they think about a situation based on their mannerisms and eyes, I can know so much about a person without speaking to them and yet I so often question what's going on in my own life and how people view me. Too often I have had friends begin to scorn me without my noticing, too many times I have found that friends view me in a light that I did not know they did, and worst of all, at times I have found that friends have stronger feelings for me than I knew they did when I would have been totally open to their passions. I don't know why this is. I really don't, and it bothers me.
Too often I question people that I know in my heart I shouldn't question. Too many times I have become paranoid thinking that I am misguided in my understandings of people. I don't get it...how can someone who is so keen to the thoughts of others be so oblivious to those same thoughts when they are directed at him?
I made a fool of myself tonight (at least in my mind) for asking a friend if I made her uncomfortable or something when I compliment her...I felt as though my complimenting her were somehow making her view me as a creep or, as I said, making her feel uncomfortable. I know I was being stupid for feeling I needed to ask that, and yet I did because for a moment I did not know. I don't get it.
It sickens me because I almost feel as though I need to have people be explicit with me about what they want of me, but that isn't cool, is it? Maybe I just don't trust myself and my own judgement. Maybe, deep down, I don't really see what people see in me. Maybe I just need to take a chill pill or something. It's ridiculous, I know, you needn't tell me, but I'm so damn blind to others' view of me.
I find it odd that I am so damn good at figuring out people, understanding what they are thinking, and otherwise having a good grasp on their emotions and feelings but I am oblivious to how people regard me. I have always been this way...I can look at a total stranger and tell you what they're thinking, I can look at a friend and know instantly what they think about a situation based on their mannerisms and eyes, I can know so much about a person without speaking to them and yet I so often question what's going on in my own life and how people view me. Too often I have had friends begin to scorn me without my noticing, too many times I have found that friends view me in a light that I did not know they did, and worst of all, at times I have found that friends have stronger feelings for me than I knew they did when I would have been totally open to their passions. I don't know why this is. I really don't, and it bothers me.
Too often I question people that I know in my heart I shouldn't question. Too many times I have become paranoid thinking that I am misguided in my understandings of people. I don't get it...how can someone who is so keen to the thoughts of others be so oblivious to those same thoughts when they are directed at him?
I made a fool of myself tonight (at least in my mind) for asking a friend if I made her uncomfortable or something when I compliment her...I felt as though my complimenting her were somehow making her view me as a creep or, as I said, making her feel uncomfortable. I know I was being stupid for feeling I needed to ask that, and yet I did because for a moment I did not know. I don't get it.
It sickens me because I almost feel as though I need to have people be explicit with me about what they want of me, but that isn't cool, is it? Maybe I just don't trust myself and my own judgement. Maybe, deep down, I don't really see what people see in me. Maybe I just need to take a chill pill or something. It's ridiculous, I know, you needn't tell me, but I'm so damn blind to others' view of me.
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