Words are meaningless:
I am an antelope
See. I can say that, but it doesn't mean a damn thing unless I start going on all fours, grow some antlers, and frolic through the West living my life freely except for the fear of coyotes, wolves, and the like. That sentence is meaningless because there is no truth behind it. Words are funny like that.
Words can also be totally illogical and contradictory. I could write:
This sentence is false.
Of course, if the sentence is true, then it contradicts itself and is therefore false. If it is false, then it is true and therefore contradicts itself just the same. Either way, these particular words in this particular order do not mesh with any possible configuration of reality. These too are meaningless words, but in a different sense. Like the idea of a circular square.
I say this because people like to tell me that they miss me or like me or love me. That I'm a "cool" guy. That there's nothing wrong with me...and yet they do not show it. Not enough for me to think that it's true at least. I do not get the attention that a human being needs to maintain sanity. No, instead I sit by the phone waiting for people to call me either out of their own volition or to return a call I made to them and it doesn't happen all that much. I say to my friends: "hey, let's do such and such" to which they more often than not say no...only to do such and such soon there-after with other people, not me. Frankly, I think, that's a large part of what's got me down. My friendships, it seems, consist of words more than anything. There's not much attention there, there's not that much giving on their part, my friendships all seem to me to be little more than games of semantics and the like. And frankly, I'm starting to feel the burn of jealousy for the first time since I nipped that dog in the butt years ago because of my always being shoved aside for other people.
You know, I say that, and I mean it too, but I do have friends that, when I look them in the eye, I know that they care about me...some (and by that I mean one) caring about me even more than I think they realize...and it confuses the living shit out of me that they should say that they care and look like they care, but in the end not act like they care as nearly as much as they say or look.
fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.
I am an antelope
See. I can say that, but it doesn't mean a damn thing unless I start going on all fours, grow some antlers, and frolic through the West living my life freely except for the fear of coyotes, wolves, and the like. That sentence is meaningless because there is no truth behind it. Words are funny like that.
Words can also be totally illogical and contradictory. I could write:
This sentence is false.
Of course, if the sentence is true, then it contradicts itself and is therefore false. If it is false, then it is true and therefore contradicts itself just the same. Either way, these particular words in this particular order do not mesh with any possible configuration of reality. These too are meaningless words, but in a different sense. Like the idea of a circular square.
I say this because people like to tell me that they miss me or like me or love me. That I'm a "cool" guy. That there's nothing wrong with me...and yet they do not show it. Not enough for me to think that it's true at least. I do not get the attention that a human being needs to maintain sanity. No, instead I sit by the phone waiting for people to call me either out of their own volition or to return a call I made to them and it doesn't happen all that much. I say to my friends: "hey, let's do such and such" to which they more often than not say no...only to do such and such soon there-after with other people, not me. Frankly, I think, that's a large part of what's got me down. My friendships, it seems, consist of words more than anything. There's not much attention there, there's not that much giving on their part, my friendships all seem to me to be little more than games of semantics and the like. And frankly, I'm starting to feel the burn of jealousy for the first time since I nipped that dog in the butt years ago because of my always being shoved aside for other people.
You know, I say that, and I mean it too, but I do have friends that, when I look them in the eye, I know that they care about me...some (and by that I mean one) caring about me even more than I think they realize...and it confuses the living shit out of me that they should say that they care and look like they care, but in the end not act like they care as nearly as much as they say or look.
fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.
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