It is amazing to me how everything in my life has been so bleak for so long and now, all of a sudden out of the blue, everything seems to be falling into place. I seriously have not felt as good as I do right now (at least emotionally...the allergies are starting to come on) for years...at least since before my mother died. And it's not mania either. Sometimes I'm afraid of that. I mean, I do have issues with depression and that makes me worried that I might also be bipolar sometimes, but life right now feels natural...like life did when I was twelve and riding my bike around the neighborhood, building forts in the trees behind my hose, and innertubing down the river. It doesn't feel like any sort of sickness.

Life feels good. I no longer stay up at night because I fear the dread of waking up...I stay up at night because I just can't let go of the day. I wake up and I feel alive and ready to face the day rather than wanting to stay in bed all day in my underwear. I am happy...and not just with the person that I am or my position in life or whatever you might want to classify under the heading of the existential meaning of the term -- but I am glad to be alive and am enjoying life. Not even the downs that I have experienced in the last three weeks have brought me down in any sort of permanent manner.

The funny thing is, I am no different now than I was last summer before this little crisis hit me...it's just that I feel more comfortable and more confident in myself than I ever have. And I think that I am exuding this confidence, brimming with delight. I think the fact that I have a few girls interested in me (at one time for the first time in my life) just goes to show it. I am being myself and enjoying it, and I think people see that in me. It's awesome.