During the last month or two I have learned a lot about me in relation to girls and all that happy stuff I just wanna share:
1. I am, have always been, and probably always will be the kind of guy that makes friends with a girl before I get myself into a relationship with them. I have found that this is not uncommon amongst geeks, nerds, and other shy peoples of the world and I've come to accept that it's cool. Or at least that I'm cool with that. I always run the risk of entering the dreaded "friend zone" by doing it, but that's alright because if I don't end up there it probably means that she's the same way as me and we're more meant for each other. For me, it's a matter of wanting to know a girl quite well before I invest myself emotionally or share myself physically with someone. It prevents me from collecting unnecessary emotional baggage, getting into situations that will ultimately break me down, and, most importantly, finding myself in a relationship where physical attraction is draw and not emotional or spiritual attraction. That's important to me and I've wrestled with that aspect of my sexuality for a long time, but am now finding myself comfortable with it.
2. I am hot as hell...I'm by far not the prettiest face in the room, but I have more than enough personality to make up for it. Girls dig personality. I can tell jokes, make up stories, and say stupid cheesey shit and there are girls out there that like that. In fact, the kind of girls that I like like that sort of thing in a guy so it means I'm pretty lucky.
3. Related to two, in a lot of ways, but I see it as different. I have been trying for years to alter myself in order to attract different girls -- throwing myself at them, putting myself at their mercy, revolving my life around them. That's ridiculous. I can be myself and be with someone at the same time. I don't have to worry that my being with someone would make me not me but one half of some couple. I don't have to change my life around for some stupid girl -- giving up my soul so that I can be with her night and day, day and night. I don't have to change for anyone. And I won't. And I have found that I've been rather silly in my thoughts that that would happen to me and I think I've been fearing ever getting close to someone for that reason. Lately, and especially with this girl that I've been "seeing" (in my own special geek way), I've found that I can be extremely attracted to a girl and still hang out with other friends for days on end and even when she calls and I say "Oh, I'm busy already" I don't have to apologize or anything...I don't have to make it up to her. That's sweet. And whether things work out and this girl becomes my "girlfriend" or not, I will carry that lesson with me.
4. I do not have to feel so ashamed to feel alone. Everyone wants to be with someone and be loved. I do not have to feel deficient if I have no one. I needn't see that as some deficiency or something...everyone that is single feels that way from time to time and even a lot of people that are with someone. It goes with the territory of being a human being.
I know, I know, I'm a lame-ass for being 26 and just now figuring out some of this stuff, but it has all just now hit me. I guess some of us take longer to learn life lessons than others. It's probably taken this long because they don't make questions about this stuff for Trivial Persuit or Jeopardy...or something...whatever, it's late and this has been a re-hashing of a post I accidently erased anyway. Oh well.
1. I am, have always been, and probably always will be the kind of guy that makes friends with a girl before I get myself into a relationship with them. I have found that this is not uncommon amongst geeks, nerds, and other shy peoples of the world and I've come to accept that it's cool. Or at least that I'm cool with that. I always run the risk of entering the dreaded "friend zone" by doing it, but that's alright because if I don't end up there it probably means that she's the same way as me and we're more meant for each other. For me, it's a matter of wanting to know a girl quite well before I invest myself emotionally or share myself physically with someone. It prevents me from collecting unnecessary emotional baggage, getting into situations that will ultimately break me down, and, most importantly, finding myself in a relationship where physical attraction is draw and not emotional or spiritual attraction. That's important to me and I've wrestled with that aspect of my sexuality for a long time, but am now finding myself comfortable with it.
2. I am hot as hell...I'm by far not the prettiest face in the room, but I have more than enough personality to make up for it. Girls dig personality. I can tell jokes, make up stories, and say stupid cheesey shit and there are girls out there that like that. In fact, the kind of girls that I like like that sort of thing in a guy so it means I'm pretty lucky.
3. Related to two, in a lot of ways, but I see it as different. I have been trying for years to alter myself in order to attract different girls -- throwing myself at them, putting myself at their mercy, revolving my life around them. That's ridiculous. I can be myself and be with someone at the same time. I don't have to worry that my being with someone would make me not me but one half of some couple. I don't have to change my life around for some stupid girl -- giving up my soul so that I can be with her night and day, day and night. I don't have to change for anyone. And I won't. And I have found that I've been rather silly in my thoughts that that would happen to me and I think I've been fearing ever getting close to someone for that reason. Lately, and especially with this girl that I've been "seeing" (in my own special geek way), I've found that I can be extremely attracted to a girl and still hang out with other friends for days on end and even when she calls and I say "Oh, I'm busy already" I don't have to apologize or anything...I don't have to make it up to her. That's sweet. And whether things work out and this girl becomes my "girlfriend" or not, I will carry that lesson with me.
4. I do not have to feel so ashamed to feel alone. Everyone wants to be with someone and be loved. I do not have to feel deficient if I have no one. I needn't see that as some deficiency or something...everyone that is single feels that way from time to time and even a lot of people that are with someone. It goes with the territory of being a human being.
I know, I know, I'm a lame-ass for being 26 and just now figuring out some of this stuff, but it has all just now hit me. I guess some of us take longer to learn life lessons than others. It's probably taken this long because they don't make questions about this stuff for Trivial Persuit or Jeopardy...or something...whatever, it's late and this has been a re-hashing of a post I accidently erased anyway. Oh well.
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