I was talking tonight with a friend about some of the stuff I posted last night and I think I may just be wierd. See, the thing that really throws me about relationships is how so many people are so willing to throw themselves so completely at the other person. I see people all the time do so so seriously that they lose their own identity and become little more than a lapdog to the object of their affection.
I don't get that.
I could never do that, never in a million years. I didn't when I was in love the one time I was ever in love and I have never been tempted to since. I fear, honest to God fear doing so. I never want to change for anybody, I never want to submit myself entirely to anybody. I want to be me, for good or bad, forever and ever amen. I might change, certainly -- I have constantly over my entire lifespan and plan on doing so until I die, such is the nature of human existence -- but I don't want to change for anyone else...just for me. Only me. I am the only person that I need to please, for I am the only person destined to be around me every moment of my life, and I see it as silly and foolish to even think of maybe doing so for anone else.
I mean, cutting back on the swearing, drinking a little less, and that sort of thing is one thing...don't get me wrong. But those are just petty hobbies and mannerisms. I am talking the big stuff -- religion, friends, belief systems, self-image, etc. To sacrifice those things is to sacrifice your soul and there isn't a single thing that's worth sacrificing your soul for -- even love and acceptance. There is no one person on this planet worth doing that for.
What I look for is someone that can accept me at face value -- accept that I have interests outside of her, accept that I am not perfect, accept that I am my own person and in so being cannot always be there for her. Someone that can love me for who I am instead of what I'm willing to do for her. Someone that does so in spite of the fact that I am not perfect and am my own person. Someone that can respect me for what I am and appreciate the fact that I'm giving her all that I feel comfortable giving her. Someone that I can feel the same way for.
I have never thought that I was wierd in thinking this way, but others have told me that they "do and don't" understand. When I point out people at the bar they say "oh, I've been there" and try to dismiss it as love-sick tomfoolery. I cannot. I just can't. And I am coming to think that maybe this is the reason that I have never been in a long-term relationship of any sort. I've talked to a few people about this lately and only one, one, person feels the same way about relationships. She also sees the way people throw themselves at others and is physically sickened by it. And that is how I am.
There are many things that I am that make me worthy of love -- committed, caring, compassionate, loving, loyal, honest, and the list goes on and on -- but I am not a sycophant for love...and I am beginning to think that that is the most important thing in the eyes of the many.
I don't get that.
I could never do that, never in a million years. I didn't when I was in love the one time I was ever in love and I have never been tempted to since. I fear, honest to God fear doing so. I never want to change for anybody, I never want to submit myself entirely to anybody. I want to be me, for good or bad, forever and ever amen. I might change, certainly -- I have constantly over my entire lifespan and plan on doing so until I die, such is the nature of human existence -- but I don't want to change for anyone else...just for me. Only me. I am the only person that I need to please, for I am the only person destined to be around me every moment of my life, and I see it as silly and foolish to even think of maybe doing so for anone else.
I mean, cutting back on the swearing, drinking a little less, and that sort of thing is one thing...don't get me wrong. But those are just petty hobbies and mannerisms. I am talking the big stuff -- religion, friends, belief systems, self-image, etc. To sacrifice those things is to sacrifice your soul and there isn't a single thing that's worth sacrificing your soul for -- even love and acceptance. There is no one person on this planet worth doing that for.
What I look for is someone that can accept me at face value -- accept that I have interests outside of her, accept that I am not perfect, accept that I am my own person and in so being cannot always be there for her. Someone that can love me for who I am instead of what I'm willing to do for her. Someone that does so in spite of the fact that I am not perfect and am my own person. Someone that can respect me for what I am and appreciate the fact that I'm giving her all that I feel comfortable giving her. Someone that I can feel the same way for.
I have never thought that I was wierd in thinking this way, but others have told me that they "do and don't" understand. When I point out people at the bar they say "oh, I've been there" and try to dismiss it as love-sick tomfoolery. I cannot. I just can't. And I am coming to think that maybe this is the reason that I have never been in a long-term relationship of any sort. I've talked to a few people about this lately and only one, one, person feels the same way about relationships. She also sees the way people throw themselves at others and is physically sickened by it. And that is how I am.
There are many things that I am that make me worthy of love -- committed, caring, compassionate, loving, loyal, honest, and the list goes on and on -- but I am not a sycophant for love...and I am beginning to think that that is the most important thing in the eyes of the many.
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