Okay, I can't keep quiet anymore about this...I gotta talk...even though I'm barely sober.

So many girls lately have told me about how "romantic" or at least "great" their boyfriends are because of the things they do. Like sending flowers to them or openning doors or letting them walk ahead of them when necessary. Not that that isn't cool or anything, but it's what I have always done. Fuck it all, that sort of "romaticism" is standard issue shit that I do for even my female friends. Why is it that that sort of thing gets other guys laid but me it gets nothing...not even a thank you really. Geez.

I mean, I'm the sort of guy that will open doors and bend over backwards for a girl. I am a chivalrous mother-fuck extraodinaire. My God, sending flowers is nothing...I'd deliver them myself and serenade the girl if it was at all appropriate. But no one wants that...they want the bad boy that can do romantic things sometimes after their friends told them or they read about how girls like that sort of thing. My mom taught me that sort of shit since I was five. It gets me nowhere. Fuck.

I'm sorry for all the cursing, it's just that I've taken too much of this sort of "my boyfriend is so wonderful" gushing lately and it's seriously giving me an anuerism or something. For crying out loud, what does it take for me to get noticed by girls? Geez.

Then again, maybe it's just the frustration of being in the position that I'm in...so many times in the past I have been passed up and maybe had I not been one of those times I wouldn't be where I am right now. But that would mean that I wouldn't have what I have (whatever that is I do not really know) and I think what I may have in this one girl is pretty fucking sweet...even if it is to consist of e-mails and phone calls, if anything, for the next few months.

Oh well.