i'm bored...
...bored out of my mind. My days consist of waking up, going through the normal routine of getting ready for the day and then doing absolutely nothing. Today I got up, took a shower and blady-blah, watched a little tv until that got boring, then checked my e-mail hoping that someone had written me, but hadn't, then taking a nap, waking up, checking my e-mail and blah blah blah.
Tonight I shall spend my time checking e-mail, watching tv, endlessly surfing the web, and masturbating. That's about it. That's the extent of my life. No one ever calls me, and if they do it's to do something that involves spending more money than someone that's unemployed (that can't even find any jobs to apply to) and crazy in debt (and behind on payments) can really spend. No one wants to just hang out, no one wants to just talk or watch a movie or any of those free sorts of things. And so I have to say "no" and hang out by myself hoping that someone will shange their tune and want to hang out.
But that won't happen because I'm as boring to others as my life is to myself. People don't want boring people, they want exciting people...and the fact of the matter it, I'm not exciting.
I don't have the sort of personality that goes after conflict. I don't have the balls (or would immaturity be the right word?) to go do crazy stunts that get some laughs and get the adrenaline pumping. I have too much respect for other people (and especially girls) to go out and tell a few lies to get them in the sack. I don't have anything that would make people want to be around me. At all.
I'm the guy that enjoys sitting and talking. I'm the guy that is happy with a day when it is capped by watching the sun set, even if that means that the day is done at 7:30. I'm the guy that is happy just being in the presence of someone else (or more than one person) and just enjoying the company. But that isn't good enough for people anymore. Everything's about doing something.
There is a distinction in how a person lives their life that I'm sure I've made on this blog before. There are those that say "I do" and those that say "I am". Society has become a place where "I do" is all important. People don't care about a person's personality or soul or what have you, they only care about what they do...and how that affects them. In a sense, the world is full of people that care nothing about themselves and their "friends" are only those people that do something for them -- whether it be make them smile or laugh or feel good about themselves or (to go to extremes like I so like to do) orgasm -- that's all. There's no honest comradery any more, no soul searching done, no real connections made. Just lines in a web that cross just long enough to get from point A to point B.
I'm sick of it. I really am. I am sick of being in a world where it is passe to think about other people before thinking about oneself. I'm sick of living in a world where it's all about me me me. I'm sick of seeing so many people waste their lives trying to occupy themselves with feeling good, getting high off non-drugs. And most of all, I'm sick of thinking such negative thoughts about the human race...but every time I try to cut us some slack, it's proved to me again ten-fold. I'm sick of it. Really, really sick of it.
That is all.
Tonight I shall spend my time checking e-mail, watching tv, endlessly surfing the web, and masturbating. That's about it. That's the extent of my life. No one ever calls me, and if they do it's to do something that involves spending more money than someone that's unemployed (that can't even find any jobs to apply to) and crazy in debt (and behind on payments) can really spend. No one wants to just hang out, no one wants to just talk or watch a movie or any of those free sorts of things. And so I have to say "no" and hang out by myself hoping that someone will shange their tune and want to hang out.
But that won't happen because I'm as boring to others as my life is to myself. People don't want boring people, they want exciting people...and the fact of the matter it, I'm not exciting.
I don't have the sort of personality that goes after conflict. I don't have the balls (or would immaturity be the right word?) to go do crazy stunts that get some laughs and get the adrenaline pumping. I have too much respect for other people (and especially girls) to go out and tell a few lies to get them in the sack. I don't have anything that would make people want to be around me. At all.
I'm the guy that enjoys sitting and talking. I'm the guy that is happy with a day when it is capped by watching the sun set, even if that means that the day is done at 7:30. I'm the guy that is happy just being in the presence of someone else (or more than one person) and just enjoying the company. But that isn't good enough for people anymore. Everything's about doing something.
There is a distinction in how a person lives their life that I'm sure I've made on this blog before. There are those that say "I do" and those that say "I am". Society has become a place where "I do" is all important. People don't care about a person's personality or soul or what have you, they only care about what they do...and how that affects them. In a sense, the world is full of people that care nothing about themselves and their "friends" are only those people that do something for them -- whether it be make them smile or laugh or feel good about themselves or (to go to extremes like I so like to do) orgasm -- that's all. There's no honest comradery any more, no soul searching done, no real connections made. Just lines in a web that cross just long enough to get from point A to point B.
I'm sick of it. I really am. I am sick of being in a world where it is passe to think about other people before thinking about oneself. I'm sick of living in a world where it's all about me me me. I'm sick of seeing so many people waste their lives trying to occupy themselves with feeling good, getting high off non-drugs. And most of all, I'm sick of thinking such negative thoughts about the human race...but every time I try to cut us some slack, it's proved to me again ten-fold. I'm sick of it. Really, really sick of it.
That is all.
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