the nice guy thing redux

I've gotten myself into several discussions about the nice guy dillemma lately and how much it flatly sucks to be one in the world because people take you for granted, only willing to be your friend (or more importantly, girlfriend) when they need someone. It sucks. It sucks a lot.

This page, broodings: the nice man's burden, was just posted on WWDN, and I've been reading through it and finding that sort of comfort that you find in hearing someone else say everything that you're thinking. Of course, it's Saturday night, 11:48, and I'm home on my computer instead of getting laid like I would if I were not a nice guy...but there's at least some comfort in not being alone.

There is too much good stuff to read...I'm finding it hard to quote any here, but I will quote this (which is similar to something I wrote a few months back):

Friendship, to Nice Guys, is like vanilla ice cream. Nice Guys get a lot of vanilla ice cream. Almost everyone they meet is willing to give them a free sample; with relative ease, Nice Guys accumulate large quantities of it without even trying.
However, try as they might, they can't get anything more. No matter whom they turn to, no matter how nicely they ask, no one's willing to sell them anything but vanilla. Some people don't have any other flavors to give; they've already sold their upper-echelon treats to others deemed more worthy. Others have better flavors available, but aren't willing to sell to someone as "lowly" as a Nice Guy - although they never fail to have some vanilla for them to try.

Mind you, the Nice Guy doesn't mind vanilla ice cream; it sure as heck beats no ice cream at all. He values his vanilla dearly, and even though he has oodles of it, he never turns down the chance to get a little more. But still: he wonders how other flavors taste. He wonders how it feels to have other options open to him. He's not greedy: though he'd love some Ben and Jerry's chocolate chip cookie dough more than anything, some simple chocolate or strawberry would, in truth, suffice. It can't be that hard to get some fancier flavors. Nice Guys see others all the time who have some premium mocha almond fudge; even others who don't have much ice cream at all can seem to find varietous flavors somewhere. Meanwhile, no matter how hard Nice Guys try, no matter how charming and alluring they are, no matter how much they offer, they can't seem to get more than vanilla.

This is the Nice Guy's plight: in a world where everyone is willing to be a friend, NOBODY has the desire to be anything more.