Saturday, December 6

holy crap i love my brain

Okay, so I got myself all worked up about my unemployment benefit troubles before going to bed tonight and so I can't sleep. While lying there, staring at the ceiling through closed eyelids I remember reading something about working off my disqualification by going back to work and earning a certain amount of money...

I turn on the light and grab the paperwork and see that I need to earn 12 times my weekly benefit ($222) to work off a voluntary quit and 17 times for a firing...I think I fall under the voluntary, but really it doesn't matter because the job that I am no longer working is a delivery job...with tips. What if I borrow money to buy a cheap car -- something in the neighborhood of $500-$1000 that looks like crap but runs well enough to last at least a month or two -- and go back to work, claiming excessive amounts of tips? This time of year, $100 a week is next to nothing to make in an eight hour shift, and $200 is not that hard to make during a closing shift. What would happen if I made that much and claimed $150 or $250 a shift and tacked on the amount I earned per hour? Five days a week and I could claim (and pay taxes on) $1000-$1500 a week, which would pay off my 12x amount in a measly two or three weeks...leaving me to have my restitution wiped clean off the table and my backlogged unemployment benefits of $1500 or so for these weeks that I haven't been able to work sent to me in one big check. At which point I'd have enough money to pay off the money I've borrowed to buy the car, the money I've borrowed to live these last few weeks, and enough to get me through til February when I can start making $15 an hour again and no longer need unemployment and just flip off the pizza place, telling them to fuck themselves, and walking out...losing my unemployment benefits with pride and not an ounce of fear!!! And then, if I wanted to, I could look for a bartending job to just earn a little extra pocket money or just cope with the couple thousand in tips I've made in my blitz.

How brilliant is that!

My only fear is that there's a catch, that maybe I'd still have to pay back the $3300 the state wants back. But I've read the rules over and over again and it just seems like I'd be completely in the clear. It might raise suspicions of the government that I'm suddenly earning much more than I was at the same job, but really who's to say? That's just another hurdle I'd have to jump later, and frankly one that I'm not too afraid of having no idea how much I've made in tips and so not sure how well they'd be able to prove how much I've made (which they would have to) either. But it just seems too easy nonetheless.

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