myself explained
Lately I have found myself in discussions relating to relations of the romantic sort. A few of them have resilted from my acceptance as of late that I will more than likely remain single for some time to come as the result of girls my age still being rather, well, naive when it comes to guys -- and their abilities to "change" or "tame" them by wrapping a wedding band 'round their finger. In a few places I have commented on this to some degree or another -- whether on the web or in face to face conversations. Personally, I think it's a huge stepping stone in my accepting myself and being cool with who I am, but other people, I think, see it as some sort of cop out or something.
More specifically, in the new "stats" page that I linked to my redone homepage I wrote "I’ve accepted the fact that nice guys don’t get the girl until the girl has figured out through trial and error that jerks might make good boyfriends but they make lousy husbands. I figure I have a few years to wait." This seems to be a somewhat contentious statement, or at least one that people want to talk about...so I'm going to elaborate a bit here.
Actually, I don't know if I really can. I feel that this blog from its infancy has lead to that statement -- at least when it comes to relationships, sex, and all that crap. It's sort of the thesis statement, the focal point, the essence wrapped up in a few words. I've talked of girls putting up with utter shit by their boyfriends and or husbands and how in talking with them, I have found that they stick around because it's easier than finding a new guy, they for some reason think they can radically change a "bad boy" to a nice guy, they fear being alone, or just (and I love this reason) "because". Notice how nowhere in that list to I say that girls ever say that they stick by their men because "he treats me right" or "because I love him" or any such thing...I know a few girls who will say that, and to a large extent they convince me...but they always tack on qualifiers like "he's cute" or "I won't find anyone better" and that's just not right. That's not the reason to get into a relationship.
And that's what it comes down to. I know what sorts of things make for good relationships. Most people my age don't. I know that nice knockers, fastastic kissing abilities, fancy get-ups, money, and all those other things that just tend to be exhaulted in the world of twenty-something dating are utter and complete bullshit. The breasts will sag, the kissing will become mundane, and the clothing will go out of style...and then what do you have? Yeah, that's right, a breakup (or divorce). I know that what's more important is how two people connect -- how they think alike, how they dream alike, how they interrelate. None of that has anything to do with outer beauty. Nothing. At. All. I've come to realize another important thing too -- the ability of two people to resolve their differences quickly. Being able to set aside petty differences, and know their other well enough to not have to carry out any of the arguments that do and will arise in life beyond the night. That's key I think. To find someone that you can relate to, understand, and KNOW well enough to know what they are thinking without having to tell you. That too has nothing to do with oral sex abilities.
I don't know, I know all of this and I don't think that anyone else doesn't. But people my age, girls my age, don't act on it. They say "you're absolutely right, Kyle" and then go off on dates with guys who have no positive qualities aside from their pecs and little boy haircuts. I need to wait for them to start acting on their agreement with me. For them to see that what's important is that a guy's faithful and honest, sincere and true, sensitive and caring, providing and supporting, and otherwise the type that would make a good husband and father...or more or less a guy like me.
I'm waiting for that day to come, but I have come to realize that bitching and moaning about it doesn't speed things along. It will, someday. When it does I will be happy, the happiest guy in the world even. In the meantime, however, I just accept that that's the way the cookie crumbles and wait idly by waiting for girls to come to their senses.
More specifically, in the new "stats" page that I linked to my redone homepage I wrote "I’ve accepted the fact that nice guys don’t get the girl until the girl has figured out through trial and error that jerks might make good boyfriends but they make lousy husbands. I figure I have a few years to wait." This seems to be a somewhat contentious statement, or at least one that people want to talk about...so I'm going to elaborate a bit here.
Actually, I don't know if I really can. I feel that this blog from its infancy has lead to that statement -- at least when it comes to relationships, sex, and all that crap. It's sort of the thesis statement, the focal point, the essence wrapped up in a few words. I've talked of girls putting up with utter shit by their boyfriends and or husbands and how in talking with them, I have found that they stick around because it's easier than finding a new guy, they for some reason think they can radically change a "bad boy" to a nice guy, they fear being alone, or just (and I love this reason) "because". Notice how nowhere in that list to I say that girls ever say that they stick by their men because "he treats me right" or "because I love him" or any such thing...I know a few girls who will say that, and to a large extent they convince me...but they always tack on qualifiers like "he's cute" or "I won't find anyone better" and that's just not right. That's not the reason to get into a relationship.
And that's what it comes down to. I know what sorts of things make for good relationships. Most people my age don't. I know that nice knockers, fastastic kissing abilities, fancy get-ups, money, and all those other things that just tend to be exhaulted in the world of twenty-something dating are utter and complete bullshit. The breasts will sag, the kissing will become mundane, and the clothing will go out of style...and then what do you have? Yeah, that's right, a breakup (or divorce). I know that what's more important is how two people connect -- how they think alike, how they dream alike, how they interrelate. None of that has anything to do with outer beauty. Nothing. At. All. I've come to realize another important thing too -- the ability of two people to resolve their differences quickly. Being able to set aside petty differences, and know their other well enough to not have to carry out any of the arguments that do and will arise in life beyond the night. That's key I think. To find someone that you can relate to, understand, and KNOW well enough to know what they are thinking without having to tell you. That too has nothing to do with oral sex abilities.
I don't know, I know all of this and I don't think that anyone else doesn't. But people my age, girls my age, don't act on it. They say "you're absolutely right, Kyle" and then go off on dates with guys who have no positive qualities aside from their pecs and little boy haircuts. I need to wait for them to start acting on their agreement with me. For them to see that what's important is that a guy's faithful and honest, sincere and true, sensitive and caring, providing and supporting, and otherwise the type that would make a good husband and father...or more or less a guy like me.
I'm waiting for that day to come, but I have come to realize that bitching and moaning about it doesn't speed things along. It will, someday. When it does I will be happy, the happiest guy in the world even. In the meantime, however, I just accept that that's the way the cookie crumbles and wait idly by waiting for girls to come to their senses.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home