a plea for soma

Tonight I was going to sit down and write. Poetry, a short story, an essay or whatever...I need to do something at least half-way productive. I can't though. I have way too much going through my head -- way too many ideas, way too many fears, way too many emotions to even list.

I need focus, I need some sort of mental prism to take this mental energy burst from my heart and mind and break it into its parts so that I pick and choose and do what needs to be done. But I can't. I mean, I could get some ritilin or pot or something, I suppose, but that is not a good idea for many reasons. I need some sort of focal point to aim at, or some sort of rallying point. I need something...but I don't know what it is. I wish I did, because I hate being in this place.

I can't even keep a thought going for more than five minites without my brain just jumping to something else.