another friday night, another night spent at home alone
You know, it's sad and I don't care. I spend my Friday nights sitting around and doing absolutely nothing. My mind wanders some and I think about the week and stuff...and people. Pathetic, I know. What's more pathetic is that I came here to write about something but I forgot what it was and so now I'm just typing to fill time while my mind sorts out what it is that I was trying to think of...oh....wait...there it is...
I have told people before that I was not one to keep things in. That if I was pissed off at someone, I was the type to tell them. That if I cared about someone, I was the type to tell them. It has occurred to me in the last little while that I am not. Not at all. I wish I was, and for some reason I really thought I was, but I'm not. Maybe if I really cared about someone...no, that wouldn't work either.
Case in point: I have really come to really dislike my roommate. We used to be friends, not best friends, but friends nonetheless. When we first started living together it was fine. Sure, he didn't do dishes, he let his mail pile up in the living room, but it was all okay. Some people are neat-freaks, some people are slobs (like he is), and some, like me, fall innocently in the middle (I can put up with a mess, but only to a point, you know?). But then he had his girlfriend move in and crowd me out and that, even though she lives here no longer, is where it REALLY began. Just in the past week, but I suppose it's been building for the last few months, he has managed to piss me off every single day. Yesterday his girlfriend brought her kids over unannounced. He was in his bedroom, she was on the phone...the kids were traumatizing my poor cat (he's been meowing all day and that's all I can attribute it to, knowing he's not too fond of children). He's also taken to smoking inside instead of out on the porch. For some reason he thinks that the smoke stays in his room...it doesn't. The whole apartment is starting to reek. He also has his financial problems...today he got a collections-looking envelope from the gas company, I thought for sure that he was going to ask to borrow money through me to pay the bill (luckily it wasn't). I can't even be in the same room as him, I can't even watch TV unless I'm watching it first and therefore have control of the remote (he is constantly flipping stations during commercials...and if it's something he wouldn't watch -- which is anything but Star Trek and things having to do with motorcycles and/or cars, not that he can even fix his own brake-line in the three months it's been shot). and on and on and on....
But the worst part about it is that I just can't bring myself to say anything...no "can you at least take care of the dishwasher a little more often than once every four months?" or "Could you please not have your girlfriend bring her kids over unannounced and have them be supervised when they are?" or anything of the sort. Nothing. I wonder how much of it has to do with my fear of being overly sarcastic...people don't get sarcastic so much. No, then again, there are things I've found myself wanting to say that aren't mean or negative or anything (things like "gee, you look beautiful" or "thank you") but just couldn't spit out. Maybe it's because I'm so over-analytical that I fear others will over-analyze...or maybe it's that I fear they won't. Oh well, I don't know. Time to go to bed. Have sooooooooooooo much to do tomorrow (/sarcasm). :)
I have told people before that I was not one to keep things in. That if I was pissed off at someone, I was the type to tell them. That if I cared about someone, I was the type to tell them. It has occurred to me in the last little while that I am not. Not at all. I wish I was, and for some reason I really thought I was, but I'm not. Maybe if I really cared about someone...no, that wouldn't work either.
Case in point: I have really come to really dislike my roommate. We used to be friends, not best friends, but friends nonetheless. When we first started living together it was fine. Sure, he didn't do dishes, he let his mail pile up in the living room, but it was all okay. Some people are neat-freaks, some people are slobs (like he is), and some, like me, fall innocently in the middle (I can put up with a mess, but only to a point, you know?). But then he had his girlfriend move in and crowd me out and that, even though she lives here no longer, is where it REALLY began. Just in the past week, but I suppose it's been building for the last few months, he has managed to piss me off every single day. Yesterday his girlfriend brought her kids over unannounced. He was in his bedroom, she was on the phone...the kids were traumatizing my poor cat (he's been meowing all day and that's all I can attribute it to, knowing he's not too fond of children). He's also taken to smoking inside instead of out on the porch. For some reason he thinks that the smoke stays in his room...it doesn't. The whole apartment is starting to reek. He also has his financial problems...today he got a collections-looking envelope from the gas company, I thought for sure that he was going to ask to borrow money through me to pay the bill (luckily it wasn't). I can't even be in the same room as him, I can't even watch TV unless I'm watching it first and therefore have control of the remote (he is constantly flipping stations during commercials...and if it's something he wouldn't watch -- which is anything but Star Trek and things having to do with motorcycles and/or cars, not that he can even fix his own brake-line in the three months it's been shot). and on and on and on....
But the worst part about it is that I just can't bring myself to say anything...no "can you at least take care of the dishwasher a little more often than once every four months?" or "Could you please not have your girlfriend bring her kids over unannounced and have them be supervised when they are?" or anything of the sort. Nothing. I wonder how much of it has to do with my fear of being overly sarcastic...people don't get sarcastic so much. No, then again, there are things I've found myself wanting to say that aren't mean or negative or anything (things like "gee, you look beautiful" or "thank you") but just couldn't spit out. Maybe it's because I'm so over-analytical that I fear others will over-analyze...or maybe it's that I fear they won't. Oh well, I don't know. Time to go to bed. Have sooooooooooooo much to do tomorrow (/sarcasm). :)
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