back to a shack

Why must life be so complicated? Why must everything be a chore or a game or both? Why can't we be like kids, experiencing the world and drawing it all in, loving everything and everyone? Why must be play along like we are corrupt? If everyone played nice, then there would be so much less hurt, so much less pain, so much less true evil in the world. So why not? Why must everything be so damn complicated?

All I want to do is, as Thoreau once wrote, "live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I can not learn what i has to teach." I don't want to live a fake life, I don't want to run around with a mask on. I want to be me, do what it is that God has intended for me to do, and live amongst those that feel the same way. Is that too much to ask? Seriously, is it? Because it seems like it. It seems that everyone has intentions other than the ones that they let show through their personas, it seems that everyone's running around with a knife in hand, ready to sink it into whoever's back when the time is just right to make the most of murder. I don't want that. I want to be me, I want to be free. To go back to Thoreau, "I want to live deep and suck the marrow out of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life...". To rout all that is not life...I want to cut out all the shit, the grissle. Who needs it? Just me and those like me, that's what I want. Anyone out there with me?

Ugh.

On a side note, I found myself researching abbeys and the like today...it seems that my not being Catholic is the only thing keeping me away from becoming a monk. It may be the only way to get away from all this...shit.