if at first they don't succeed

You have that happen to you when you hear a song ten, hundreds of times and still it's not until that 87th or 135th or 609th time of hearing the song that you really hear the lyrics or some aspect of the song that you'd never really heard before...and it's something that really speaks to you? I just had that today riding home on the bus...the song, "Fight Test" by the Flaming Lips. The lyrics:

I thought I was smart - I thought I was right
I thought it better not to fight - I thought there was a
Virtue in always being cool - so when it came time to
Fight I thought I'll just step aside and that time would
Prove you wrong and that you would be the fool -

I don't know where the sun beams end and the star
Light begins it's all a mystery

Oh to fight is to defend if it's not
Now than tell me when would be the time that you would stand up
And be a man - for to lose I could accept but to surrender
I just wet and regretted this moment - oh that I - I
Was the fool

I don't know where the sun beams end and the star
Light begins it's all a mystery
And I don't know how a man decides what right for his
Own life - it's all a mystery

Cause I'm a man not a boy and there are things
You can't avoid you have to face them when you're not prepared
To face them -
If I could I would but you're with him now it'd do no good
I should have fought him but instead I let him - I let
Him take it -

I don't know where the sun beams end and the star
Light begins it's all a mystery
And I don't know how a man decides what right for his
Own life - it's all a mystery

Something about the Flaming Lips makes them rather unprofound in my mind...songs about spiderbites and pink robots will make you dimiss what a group has to say. I've always seen them as musical geniuses, the words to their songs being very secondary or even tertiary to the sound and put in more to add to the overall song than to delivery a message. As such, I don't listen to the words as closely as I probably should. But suddenly, today, out of the blue the words to Fight Test rang in my ears...and were very, very personal to me.

I don't feel like going into why, I just feel like sharing that. Too many times in life I allow myself to be defeated too easily. I give up when I should fight...and that goes triple when it involves girls. This song speaks volumes about me...I don't know where the sun beams end and the star light begins.