a moment of clarity

I talk too much. Actually, I don't say a lot but there are always words spewing out of my mouth. But what words that do come out of my mouth are not for the purposes of communication, but my own thought process -- my seeing others' reactions to what I say gauging somewhat whether what I'm saying makes any sense. This is weird to some people, I'm sure, offensive even.

I've been told in the past couple weeks that I state the obvious and that it's sometimes offensive, as if I'm talking down to people...even though it's just me reaching out for reconfirmation of those things that I think -- think out loud. I've been shunned too, treated like a fly that keeps buzzing past it's tolerated allotment of time -- swatted. I can't help but feel that these two things are tied together. It makes sense at least.

I should keep my thinking to the paper and the computer screen, out of conversation. I really should. None of the people in my life are as bloody ADD as me, none really understand that the way I am is not meant to be mean-spirited or manipulative, but really kinda innocent in a way -- my insults more like a child's "may daddy says..." sort of thing. Unintended. If I knew they mean when I said them, I wouldn't.

Anyway, just thinking out loud, needed to save this thought for later. No one else needs heed to it.