valentines day schmalintines day
Here are some ideas for all us losers that ain't got peeps on Valentine's Day. But they forgot a couple things to do that I'd like to add:
Get a hooker -- Yeah, it's meaningless, dirty, and about as skanky of sex as there is...but hey, it's Valentine's Day sex. Right? And let's face it, it's better than the skanky-ass sex my roommate's going to be getting.
Wank off to kinky porn -- You do it anyway, why not make it a special night between you and miss Michigan?* Splurge and get some good stuff at the video store, maybe a 3-day pass to a porn site. Valentine's is too special a night for mere Skinemax. *(I have no idea if that Miss Michigan joke works outside of Michigan...if it doesn't, ask someone from Michigan where their hometown is and you'll get it pretty quick)
Mope and whine -- Yes, it's true that you will die alone. If it wasn't true you'd have someone to be with on the quote-unquote sexiest holiday of the year. Remember, whine is pronounced the same as wine and there ain't nothing wrong with drinking wine. Lot's of wine.
Get over it -- it's just a stupid Hallmark holiday anyway. You gonna let those fucks throw your heart in the dumpster? Make your own damn list (ooooo...or add 'em to the comments) and make the pain of loneliness go away through bitterness.
Get a hooker -- Yeah, it's meaningless, dirty, and about as skanky of sex as there is...but hey, it's Valentine's Day sex. Right? And let's face it, it's better than the skanky-ass sex my roommate's going to be getting.
Wank off to kinky porn -- You do it anyway, why not make it a special night between you and miss Michigan?* Splurge and get some good stuff at the video store, maybe a 3-day pass to a porn site. Valentine's is too special a night for mere Skinemax. *(I have no idea if that Miss Michigan joke works outside of Michigan...if it doesn't, ask someone from Michigan where their hometown is and you'll get it pretty quick)
Mope and whine -- Yes, it's true that you will die alone. If it wasn't true you'd have someone to be with on the quote-unquote sexiest holiday of the year. Remember, whine is pronounced the same as wine and there ain't nothing wrong with drinking wine. Lot's of wine.
Get over it -- it's just a stupid Hallmark holiday anyway. You gonna let those fucks throw your heart in the dumpster? Make your own damn list (ooooo...or add 'em to the comments) and make the pain of loneliness go away through bitterness.
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