doctors are amazing people
So a week ago this guy that I worked with died. Not that he was at work at the time or even that he was incredibly young or anything (I believe he was in his mid 60's) , but he was one of those guys who was just really cool and yet not in very good health and I would always talk to him, conscious of his health, always thinking it would so suck if he died. The news didn't hit me too hard, but it still knocked the wind out of sails a bot too much (and may very well have something to do with the funk I find myself in).
Anyway...
Just now I was watching The Residents on TLC (a follow the hospital resident reality show) and there was this old woman being treated with, like, total systemic failure and all this stuff and she was just going with the flow. They went into her story a bit, about how she was in the women's baseball leagues in the 40's and how she didn't have any family and the like, and showed her joking around with the doctors and nurses and techs...even flirting with the guys, even using the word "dude". She was just that type of old lady that warms your heart...
But she dies. It made me cry too...not like a teary-eyed sort of thing, but the having to rub my eyes with the side of my hand several times sort of crying. It makes me hate death to see that...it makes me hate life because life must always end in death.
There is no way that I could handle that on a day to day basis. I mean, I'm crying like a baby because of something I saw on tv...I didn't even know the lady. There is absolutely no way that I could handle the death of someone I know, even just barely, on such a regular basis. I find too many things to be just too fucking beautiful about people to be able to handle it. All those stupid things that make us individuals, I've gone into this before, would just build and build and build because they just keep sinking away to oblivian and my heart would burst. I would probably die of a heart attack before I even got out of residency.
But these people do it. That is amazing to me. They have a strength a hundred times greater than me to be able to look death in the eye, to see such beautiful faces fade away so regularly...I have so much respect for them.
Sorry, I know that that's completely out of the blue or whatever, but it's just one of those times where you see something and you hafta say something. You know?
Anyway...
Just now I was watching The Residents on TLC (a follow the hospital resident reality show) and there was this old woman being treated with, like, total systemic failure and all this stuff and she was just going with the flow. They went into her story a bit, about how she was in the women's baseball leagues in the 40's and how she didn't have any family and the like, and showed her joking around with the doctors and nurses and techs...even flirting with the guys, even using the word "dude". She was just that type of old lady that warms your heart...
But she dies. It made me cry too...not like a teary-eyed sort of thing, but the having to rub my eyes with the side of my hand several times sort of crying. It makes me hate death to see that...it makes me hate life because life must always end in death.
There is no way that I could handle that on a day to day basis. I mean, I'm crying like a baby because of something I saw on tv...I didn't even know the lady. There is absolutely no way that I could handle the death of someone I know, even just barely, on such a regular basis. I find too many things to be just too fucking beautiful about people to be able to handle it. All those stupid things that make us individuals, I've gone into this before, would just build and build and build because they just keep sinking away to oblivian and my heart would burst. I would probably die of a heart attack before I even got out of residency.
But these people do it. That is amazing to me. They have a strength a hundred times greater than me to be able to look death in the eye, to see such beautiful faces fade away so regularly...I have so much respect for them.
Sorry, I know that that's completely out of the blue or whatever, but it's just one of those times where you see something and you hafta say something. You know?
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