so then last night....
...I was hanging out with her and her friend from Britain, watching Lost in Translation. when she makes some comment, I don't know why, about how it's unfair that women have a hormone released during sex that's identical to that released during childbirth that makes women attach themselves to others...and guys don't.
I start laughing. I don't know if it was in or out of my head or a combination thereof but I do remember saying how there are some guys who do get attached to girls, not through hormones, but with thir heart. I really don't think she got that. I really don't think she realizes that not all guys are fucking asswipes that think of girls as little more than temporary sperm banks and are themselves little more than 200 pound semen delivery vehicles. I really don't think she realizes that there are guys out there that think and act with their hearts not with their dicks. I really don't think she realizes that a guy can show affection by putting his heart out on his sleave and saying "here it's yours" bcause every guy that she's ever been with has instead whipped his dick out and said "here, suck it". I think she doesn't realize that there's more to love and romance than for girls to make guys want to fuck them and then "trick" them into sticking around (or wish that there were hormones to do that work for them). I think she dosn't realize that there's physical chemistry, and then there's the sort of emotional and spiritual chemistry that is ultimately what spawns love that lasts lifetimes.
I may be wrong about her, but I think that's true about most girs anyway. Maybe I've been burned so much by being the nice guy, offering the wrong part of my body to girls and having my volunteered heart ripped out of my hands, thrown on the floor and stomped on until it beats no more a coupld few times when instead I should have ripped my pants off and told some girl to fuck me.
It bothers me though because this girl complains that I am not assertive enough when, in fact, I am. I am always there for her, always supportive of her, always trying to make her happy...but it's not "assertive" I guess unless I'm practically raping her in my mind...the sort of stuff that I can't think about doing to the ones that I care about.
----- UPDATE 11/03/2004 ------
This post has become a point of contention between myself and the friend that it is about. I never intended it to be.
It was written out of frustration...frustration for years of girls picking other guys over me, guys who for all I could tell had one thing that I didn't have -- for the purposes of this explanation, we'll call it sexual bravado...the willingess to express himself through his actions rather than just emotions...whether that be a hand on a leg, a kiss on the cheek, an arm around a date, or something more...it's something that I'm just not comfortable with, open physical expression of feelings that I'm uncertain are reciprocated. It's a matter of shyness, yes, but also respect...a fear of putting a girl in an uncomfortable position through unwanton advances or ruining a friendship with lop-sided feelings and creepiness.
It's not just that though. It's a frustration with girls that see me as nothing more than a friend because they just don't seem to be able to even begin to think of me as anything more...a part of me thinking that has something to do with my lack of abilities to express myself physically...something that I can't help but think that girls just...expect. I mean, girls just seem to expect guys to not be able to keep their hands off of them if he likes her, don't they? I ask because maybe I'm wrong. I could very well be wrong...it's something that I'm questioning.
I feel sometimes as though I give and give and give, and care and care and care, and even sometimes love and love and love without it being recognized by girls. I don't feel as though I am at all hiding it, I don't think that I'm being too particularly cryptic in my expressions...but my intentions and feelings and wants just don't seem to transmit across. As it turns out, this was the case in this friendship as she claims to have had no idea how I felt.
It isn't that I think my friend (or 99% of girls for that matter...though I'm sure there are a few) would actually respond positively to a line like "here, suck it." That's ridiculous. It was a crude expression taken off of the idiom of "thinking with his dick" when it comes to horny guys and their misadventures. That's all...it wasn't literal...just a poor expression my my feelings...I hope this clears things up.
I start laughing. I don't know if it was in or out of my head or a combination thereof but I do remember saying how there are some guys who do get attached to girls, not through hormones, but with thir heart. I really don't think she got that. I really don't think she realizes that not all guys are fucking asswipes that think of girls as little more than temporary sperm banks and are themselves little more than 200 pound semen delivery vehicles. I really don't think she realizes that there are guys out there that think and act with their hearts not with their dicks. I really don't think she realizes that a guy can show affection by putting his heart out on his sleave and saying "here it's yours" bcause every guy that she's ever been with has instead whipped his dick out and said "here, suck it". I think she doesn't realize that there's more to love and romance than for girls to make guys want to fuck them and then "trick" them into sticking around (or wish that there were hormones to do that work for them). I think she dosn't realize that there's physical chemistry, and then there's the sort of emotional and spiritual chemistry that is ultimately what spawns love that lasts lifetimes.
I may be wrong about her, but I think that's true about most girs anyway. Maybe I've been burned so much by being the nice guy, offering the wrong part of my body to girls and having my volunteered heart ripped out of my hands, thrown on the floor and stomped on until it beats no more a coupld few times when instead I should have ripped my pants off and told some girl to fuck me.
It bothers me though because this girl complains that I am not assertive enough when, in fact, I am. I am always there for her, always supportive of her, always trying to make her happy...but it's not "assertive" I guess unless I'm practically raping her in my mind...the sort of stuff that I can't think about doing to the ones that I care about.
----- UPDATE 11/03/2004 ------
This post has become a point of contention between myself and the friend that it is about. I never intended it to be.
It was written out of frustration...frustration for years of girls picking other guys over me, guys who for all I could tell had one thing that I didn't have -- for the purposes of this explanation, we'll call it sexual bravado...the willingess to express himself through his actions rather than just emotions...whether that be a hand on a leg, a kiss on the cheek, an arm around a date, or something more...it's something that I'm just not comfortable with, open physical expression of feelings that I'm uncertain are reciprocated. It's a matter of shyness, yes, but also respect...a fear of putting a girl in an uncomfortable position through unwanton advances or ruining a friendship with lop-sided feelings and creepiness.
It's not just that though. It's a frustration with girls that see me as nothing more than a friend because they just don't seem to be able to even begin to think of me as anything more...a part of me thinking that has something to do with my lack of abilities to express myself physically...something that I can't help but think that girls just...expect. I mean, girls just seem to expect guys to not be able to keep their hands off of them if he likes her, don't they? I ask because maybe I'm wrong. I could very well be wrong...it's something that I'm questioning.
I feel sometimes as though I give and give and give, and care and care and care, and even sometimes love and love and love without it being recognized by girls. I don't feel as though I am at all hiding it, I don't think that I'm being too particularly cryptic in my expressions...but my intentions and feelings and wants just don't seem to transmit across. As it turns out, this was the case in this friendship as she claims to have had no idea how I felt.
It isn't that I think my friend (or 99% of girls for that matter...though I'm sure there are a few) would actually respond positively to a line like "here, suck it." That's ridiculous. It was a crude expression taken off of the idiom of "thinking with his dick" when it comes to horny guys and their misadventures. That's all...it wasn't literal...just a poor expression my my feelings...I hope this clears things up.
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