more of the same

I hate this time of the year. As the perpetually lonely, there's always no one...and always others with others to make me jealous. It's not fair, I know that, but it's the way that it is. I'm not worthy of happiness.

Of course I don't mean that, well, I do but I don't. Blech.

You know, this sadness wouldn't overcome me so often if I had people in my life that understood me. Who were whole enough to realize that I have needs too...I'm stuck out in the middle of nowhere, all I hear all day is my stepmom's bitching, my dad's Homerness, and my brother's videogames. I want to hear the voice of a friend, I want to hear someone else's voice. Hell, I just want to be heard. But that's asking too much. I have spent today on the verge of tears because all I want is someone to care enough to call. But they don't. They don't give a fuck. Nobody gives a fuck.

That's exaggeration. That's frustration dripping from my fingertips. I don't mean that at all. Or only a little. Fact is, I know I'm cared for, I know I'm loved. I just want to be loved more than I am. For that I am selfish. For that I don't deserve to be happy.