a post decidedly unrelated to election day
I've just spent some time going back and re-reading some of my past posts after a day, rather depressing day, of introspection and the like. It is clear to me now that many of the broken dreams, miserable failings, and loneliness that has plagued my life here on this Earth are of my own doing even though I have more than often blamed anyone but myself for these disappointments.
It should be no surprise to me that I have remained significantly underemployed since graduating from school given my inability to go out and convince employers to hire me. Being a philosophy and political science major, I should realize that I've dug a hole for myself with two rather unmarketable skill-sets and accept that, rather than blaming human resource people for being unimaginative as I have. If nothing else, my degree has taught me the tools of thought and persuasion and I should be utilizing those tools in convincing those with jobs to hire me, rather than just sending in resumes and applications and sitting passively by.
The largest source for my own misery though is my loneliness (as if I have to tell that to any regular readers). For too long, I've blamed others for it. In my teen years I blamed my parents' divorce, later I blamed my inexperience, and more recently I have taken to blame girls themselves for being too naive/immature/physical to see that I would be a good boyfriend/husband. I have come to realize that I am the one that is naive and immature. Very much so. The revelation is, of course, yet another gift of my reprieve up here at my folk's house. I whine, I bitch and moan, I ruffle my feathers like a high schooler, and I put on this faux-arrogant attitude to mask my deficiences and insecurities. I realize now that I wouldn't date me myself...and realize now why no girl has been willing to give me a chance. A lot of anger has dissapated with that admission...but it's replaced with a lot of regrets for chances lost to my own bullshit.
In any case, it's a good thing. A thing of liberation. If it does have me down somewhat in the short term.
...as fantastic as this "vacation" has been, I am sooo anxious to get back to living my real life again, armed with what I have learned about myself. I feel as though things will start truly coming around for me once I do...I just hope that others see it too.
It should be no surprise to me that I have remained significantly underemployed since graduating from school given my inability to go out and convince employers to hire me. Being a philosophy and political science major, I should realize that I've dug a hole for myself with two rather unmarketable skill-sets and accept that, rather than blaming human resource people for being unimaginative as I have. If nothing else, my degree has taught me the tools of thought and persuasion and I should be utilizing those tools in convincing those with jobs to hire me, rather than just sending in resumes and applications and sitting passively by.
The largest source for my own misery though is my loneliness (as if I have to tell that to any regular readers). For too long, I've blamed others for it. In my teen years I blamed my parents' divorce, later I blamed my inexperience, and more recently I have taken to blame girls themselves for being too naive/immature/physical to see that I would be a good boyfriend/husband. I have come to realize that I am the one that is naive and immature. Very much so. The revelation is, of course, yet another gift of my reprieve up here at my folk's house. I whine, I bitch and moan, I ruffle my feathers like a high schooler, and I put on this faux-arrogant attitude to mask my deficiences and insecurities. I realize now that I wouldn't date me myself...and realize now why no girl has been willing to give me a chance. A lot of anger has dissapated with that admission...but it's replaced with a lot of regrets for chances lost to my own bullshit.
In any case, it's a good thing. A thing of liberation. If it does have me down somewhat in the short term.
...as fantastic as this "vacation" has been, I am sooo anxious to get back to living my real life again, armed with what I have learned about myself. I feel as though things will start truly coming around for me once I do...I just hope that others see it too.
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