the joys of bouncing

I had to work at the bar last night. It is was fun, let me tell ya. Usually, there are six or seven bouncers on (one to watch the door/ID -- usually me -- two to admit people to the "upstairs" where the DJ's at and cover is charged, and three to walk around and make sure everyone's playing nicely) but last night there were only three of us. I was at the front door, as usual, and the others are upstairs getting things ready for close when two guys start fighting right by me. Almost as soon as they start they're on the floor, with three or four others trying to grab the two apart...it ain't working. So I have to dive in. Suddenly, I'm down on my knees trying to pull the two apart which isn't exactly working given the total chaos that comes with six people grabbing one another and eventually grab one of them, shove him in the doorway with one of his friends and stand in his way of getting back in. "Leave. Now." I tell them. The friend asks if he can grab their coats...I shouldn't let him given the violence that just occurred and generally we just throw everyone involved out (not that I really knew who was "most involved"), but I was there by myself. The fighter walks out rather politely and I turn around to kick the other party out. "Okay," they say, "we just got to get our friends from upstairs." I tell the fighter in their group, "no, you stand by the door," along with his male friends -- not kicking them out until the other two guys left because then there'd be a brawl on the street -- and allow a girl (who I knew wasn't fighting since they were all guys) to go upstairs. Once the first two are gone, I kick the guys out, they get the car, and the ones from upstairs come out and leave.

This having to all be done by me myself. Ugh.

Then there's some fat, drunk fuck who tries to come in after last call and I turn him away, he somehow sneaks in the back door which I guess was unlocked. He's wandering around, gropes a waitress, and knocks over a chair, breaking it. I grab him by the arm, take his glass of water away and push him out the front door..."Okay, time to leave," I say as I'm doing it and when he gets outside he decides to pull the drunk fat fuck ploy of garbling some semi-threatening words about me grabbing him and I just shut the door in his face. He stands out there with his drunk fat fuck friend saluting me with his middle finger.

As this is all happening, a homeless guy tries to waltz in to use the bathroom. It kills me to be mean to homeless people, but I can't be letting them in because it almost always leads to trouble. So instead, he stands outside the door harassing people coming out, begging for handouts. I have to go out three times to tell him to leave...each time having him apologize and walk away, every time having him come back a couple minutes later.

This all happened over the course of a half hour. And all with no help, all the other guys upstairs and not responding to my requests for help over the headset...

Ahhhhhhhh, the joy of my $8.50 an hour job.

And now they expect me to come in on New Years Eve to spend the last hours of this year and the first of next year sitting at the door, checking IDs and wishing I were anywhere else. As Mike LaFontaine would say: I don't tink so.