the hardest thing...

I'm really working on improving myself. I'm trying to kick my life into gear, stop making excuses, and otherwise clearing the cobwebs from my existence. I think I am doing a fine job of that, better than I wuld have thought possible. I'm in school and will more than likely have a good (government) job in two years, I am paying my debts way down, I am living on my own, losing weight (a notch on the belt in a month!), and otherwise feeling wonderful...confident in myself even.

But people don't see it.

The human mind is such that we see what we WANT to see, hear what we WANT to hear, sense what we WANT to sense is reality. We are creatures of habit that yearn for familiarity and even when faced with change, sometimes don't sense it well enough to embrace it. Or even to admit the new face of things.

It brings me down that those in my life don't seem to understand the feelings that I feel, the changes that I have undertaken, the peace that has come over me. When what seems so blindingly obvious to me doesn't even make my friends blink an eye, it makes me wonder if what is so obvious and REAL to me really is. It leaves me very. very. confused.