freedom redux

Lately I've decided to take a break from caring about love...from allowing myself to be emotionally attached to anyone. I think that that decision has lent itself marvelously to the newfound confidence and, well, happiness that I've been experiencing for the last few weeks. For two years, I on/off was completely infatuated with a friend, before then it was a few months with another, before that...always crushing on one girl or another as far as I can think back. For two or three weeks now I've forced myself to stop...to not think "gee...if she and I hooked up..." and it's such a burden off my soul. It's the first time in forever that I've been free to just live as me without worrying about how being me might be seen by others, living without caring how others see me, living to just be me.

I've been kind of flirty, kind of overly nice, kind of listeny and talky and dreamy. I've also been serious when I've needed to be and carefree most of the time like I'm comfortable being. The other night I was at a married friend's house and playing with her kids that seem to just adore me...without caring how anyone there thought of it. The other day I talked freely with a pretty girl without worrying about how she was perceiving me. It is nice. Too nice.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is just let go of your worries, of your life, of the world, and everything else.