This Ten Commandments thing:

Okay, when it comes to civil liberties, I'm hardcore baby...I think if you read this blog, you know that. The elementary description of my beliefs is this: that freedom shall include the right to do anything you want until it infringes on another's rights to freedom.

If I want to kill myself slowly with drugs or cigarettes or booze -- I should be able to.
If I want to pay a woman to have sex with me -- I should be able to.
If I want to go to a courthouse and not see a sign condeming my religious beliefs -- I should be able to.

Because that's what it comes down to. Commandement Number One: Thou shalt have no other Gods before me...

If I am Hindu and I walk into the courthouse because I have been accued of a crime or have committed a crime, I instanty find myself condemned for my beliefs...in a nation that supposedly values the diversity of beliefs and the freedom to believe those beliefs no matter how divergent from the majority's view they are. If I am Muslim and swept up in an SS raid on my mosque, I am going to go to the courthouse, see that sitting there in granite upon entering and any hope of getting out of this alive is ging to flit away. If I am Athiest and am going to the Court to do my business, I am ging to see that sign and wonder to myself what's the point in caring when my beliefs are not respected by the courts.

It's really that simple.

Supporters of this bullshit like to say "'thou shalt not murder', who will disagree with that?" and the answer, of course, is no one. But having no other Gods, not coveting your neighbors' wife, honoring your mother and father...this ARE NOT judicial issues like murder is, they are MORAL issues which the courts have no authority over until or unless they are codifed into law.

The cornerstone of a civilized society is respect for other people, especially those in the minority. When the courts -- the arm of the government that decides on each and every one of our freedoms -- do not respect everyone equally, especially those in the minority, society becomes less civilized and society begins to unravel.

God Bless.

Mother-fucking bitch ass shit. For about the twenty-seventh time I have tried to get up a page klisting goods for sale so that I can afford to go to germany for a week or two...for the twenty-seventh time I have had explorer crash on me while trying to write the page. Is there anyway that Microsoft could suck ass a little bit harder? I still think there's a blockage up in my small intestine somewhere.

For now, anyway, yes...I know I talked about it all earlier a couple months back, but I am again trying to save up the funds necessary to go and visit someone in Germany. For a month or two there, it looked like she might be coming home a bit early (August vs. January), but now she is staying and I want to visit...but the whole lack of funds thing is standing in my way (well, I'm saving, and I'll have enough to fly there by November, but not enough to do anything else once there) so I will be selling stuff and (reluctantly) accepting donations from any kind people that want to send five or ten dollars my way (the paypal button to the left work -- wink, wink). It'll be swell whatever help I can get from whoever might be able to give it.

Man...I open up my yahoo e-mail account and I have about twenty or thirty e-mails with 100k attachments with subject headings like those said to be attached to the Sobig.f virus. It was so big (hehe) in fact that it closed down my yahoo account with 7mb of shit, 1mb more shit than yahoo allows. egads. Stupid yahoo.

I know it's old news and stuff by now, but I haven't written in a week (egads!) so I'll say something about it anyways....

The blackout of 2003

When I first heard reports that there was no significant violence, looting, or other violent acts of people taking advantage of other people when the opportunity presented itself, I was happy. It was a suprise to me that there was none, just as I think it was to the news media that reported the absence of news stories in a sort of awestruck states. It was amazing to me to see all these people working together to get through a crisis. It was comforting to see people put their own needs and desires aside to help out the community en large. It was exciting to hear that the shit didn't hit the fan.

How sad is that?

Not that anything bad didn't happen, but that this was a suprise to me and to so many. How sad is it that we expect people to do bad bad things when the chance arises to do so? How sad is it that we are actually made to feel "awestruck" "excited" or "comforted" by the fact that human beings DID NOT kill each other?

I'm in the library right now, typing away on the computer, checking my e-mail and all that jazz and there's some crazy stuff going on across fom me...

Shhhhhh...we have to keep our voices down so that the two people there don't know I'm talking about them.

There's an old lady, working on something or other...and she needed to print it out. Being computer illiterate or whatever, she turned to the guy next to him and asked him...noting an accent, she thrusted her face, more or less, in his and asked where he was from. "Russia" he says...and blah blah blah.

She's asking him some pretty personal questions and at this moment is telling him her personal life history and that of her parents and about how they came ove here from Poland. He's telling her he's actually not from Russia, but from Belarus...and she has no fucking idea where it is. Okay, she left to go get her print-out..we can talk out loud again.

What's up with that? I mean, it's all fine and dandy to be inquisitive and want to say hello to others, maybe intorduce yourself and whatever else, but COME-ON...there's a line that can be crossed. When the person you're talking to has that glazed over look in their eye -- you know, that one that comes from when you're interesting to someone else because you're an abberation but they're not at all intersting to you because they're just like everyone else -- it's not time to take up their time telling them about how you're great-great-great-great-whatevers came over on the Mayflower.

I don't know. It's just rude. It's something that I noticed often when I travel and stuff...and just being a freak myself or whatever. It gets annoying or something for me sometimes (which is why I keep something secret -- shhhhhh) and it's annoyng to see others go through the same thing. I don't know, maybe I'm just a bit testy due to the warmth and my extreme horniness.

Carry on.

For anyone that still thinks that those of us PISSED OFF at president Bush for lying through his teeth in order to get us to war are mad only about the infamous sixteen words in the State of the Union Address, the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace has posted a list of statements made by the administration that are sketchy at best -- fraudulent at worst.

The California Governors' recall t-shirt:

Darrell Issa is a loser

I had a conversation on the telephone today about "preppy" people and my ever so strong disdain for them. I've been think about it constantly ever since (and for the past few days because of another conversation). In any case, I wrote the following as part of an e-mail to the person that I was talking to and I want to share it here on my blog...the ideas are the same, more or less, with my post of 24 hours ago, but this better articulates my thinking in these regards so I'm going to post it separately from the previous:

I am too trusting a human being. I want to trust everyone and I tend to unless I can build up barriers that prevent me from allowing myself to. The main barrier that I have is my cynicism...which lends itself quite nicely to my ability to not let fake people into my life. By "fake" I mean those people that are one way but present themselves as something other than that.

Everyone that I care about is someone that doesn't try to hide behind some mask and not allow themselves to be known by other people...Preppy people are not like that. They dress up in expensive clothes, cologne, wear uniform hair, and go out into the world trying to portray themselves as people that they are not. They act nice when their hearts are mean. They act innocent when they are dirty as sin. They act lovingly when they are filled with spite and anger. They act beautiful when they are ugly.

The thing is -- we are all mean, we are all dirty as sin, we are all filled with anger and spite, and we are all ugly. That is part of being human...I know you know the story of Adam and Eve. I see through their act and it pisses me off royally that they try to show themselves as anything but. I mean, really. When people try to hide the obvious from me, I tend to have the reverse reaction that they expect...the expectations that they receive from so many. I'm not talking about little (or even big) lies founded in guilt or shame or shyness or whatever...I'm talking hiding their entire essence behind some fake persona.

Suddenly the old saying pops into my head: "if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is."

And so it leaves me not trusting a huge chunk of humanity because they reek of bogusness. It isn't just preppies that I despise either...it's anyone that forces themselves into some sort of shell -- goths and emos for instance -- but preppies I hate more than anyone because they take the most from me. You don't even know how many times I have lost a girl to a prep who was able to smoothly tell lies and make himself out to be better than he is when, in reality, I honestly possess many of the characteristics that he was feining and she was falling for. I have lost jobs and friends to them too for the very same reasons. I am, more or less, spiteful out of jealousy. But it goes beyond that...I am also jealous of their ability to spew crap out into the world and make people believe them because, frankly, it's an ability that I lack completely. But I'm okay in being jealous...because I know that it's the moral high ground in this instance. I am standing on the top of the hill looking down and seeing them all in an orgiastic carousal knowing that it's bad but a part of me wanting to join in because I know it's probably a lot of fun too...and, most importantly, it's "normal".

I wish I was normal. I wish that I could throw all caution to the wind and live life vicariously without being weighted down by guilt or ethics or faith or whatever. I wish I could fit in somewhere. I wish that I was ordinary...but I'm not. That's something that I have come to grips with...but it doesn't mean that I sometimes wish I was.

And it's people like that that I am attracted to. I think it's safe to say that each and every one of my friends in life have been the same way...at least that's how I see them. They are each abnormal, but in the good way. Instead of being merely ordinary, they are extra-ordinary. And I see these people and I latch onto them because I've come to realize that they are not so abundant...and it seems that our numbers are decreasing every day in a world super-saturated by a media that wants us all to be the same for its own nefarious reasons. And as such, I fight tooth and nail to prevent them from falling victim to the call of the wild.

I do not judge people. Not at all. Even so, I do not like most people...to some this may be hypocrisy, but I assure you that it is not.

I may not judge people, but I do judge their personas. Rather, I judge how well a people's personas match up to the real person...when they do not match, I deem them wicked. Perhaps this is a bit extreme, but it helps me keep my sanity to some degree. I think this is the only thing that unites those that I care for and those for whom I have no respect except for that which I give all life. My friends, my love interests, those with whom I feel a connection are people that are real and not trying to be that which they are not...

Unfortunately, there aren't many people that are nearly that honest in this world.

Professionals driving SUVs, pretending to be the rugged outdoor type piss me off. Guys that go to clubs to buy drinks and say whatever it takes to sheath their dicks piss me off. Girls that can't leave the house without seven layers of make-up piss me off. Artist types that hide themselves behind thick-rimmed glasses trying to be "individuals" by acting like all their pretentious snob friends piss me off. Ad executives piss me off. Teenagers that fall for the MTV-thing hook, line, and sinker piss me off. They all piss me off...they all pretend to be something that they are not.

How can you trust these people? How can you hear anything that they say and believe it? What right have they retained for my presupposition of their honesty when they so flaggrantly have thrown at least one other aspect of their lives to the dogs of public image? None.

I'm not saying that there are any amongst us that is perfectly open. None of us at all. And that is fine and dandy. But the people that I surround myself with are most of the time attempting to be truthful to the world. Some of them are slimeballs, some of them are confused, some of them are jerks and assholes...some of them are saints, but they are all the types that, rather than try to hide their faults completely, try to better themselves, confront their weakest points. That is awesome. And that's why I love the people that I do.

But, like so many other issues that I write about here in this little corner of cyberspace, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one that recognizes this about people -- the whole mask wearing thing. Sometimes I get overworked because those that I care for get caught up in that side of humanity. Either they try to impress the liars and theives or they get depressed that they are not accepted. Hmph. If nothing else is learned by reading this blog of mine, know that there is at least one person in this world (namely...me) who would rather embrace the ugly soul of someone not pretending to be anything better but yearning to be than the person that falsely presents themselves to me as perfect or as anything not themselves. Their soul is uglier by association with the lie. Be who you are, and be proud of who that person is. You have at least one fan.

This California governor's thing is cracking me up. It really is. At first I was pissed because of the idea that a fairly elected leader could be thrown out by 5% of the state's citizens signing a sheet of paper (and, of course, the vote...but with an approval rating in the toilet as Gray Davis has, all it'll take is the petition really). I mean, think about it...how could any important decisions be made if the threat of a recall can be dangled in front of elected officials' faces? It's too easy to destroy democracy this way...like pulling on a thread of a sweater to unravel the whole thing.

But it has turned into a circus. The Dipshit Knight that started, organized, and funded the recall in his own personal bid for the governorship has pulled out of contention and in his void all sorts of people are coming in (here's the complete list from the California Secretary of State's office in .pdf form) including an over-stuffed bad actor, a porn king, some guy running on the issue of smoking, the most horribly awful "comedian" that has ever lived, another "actor" that ain't much funnier, a couple porn stars, some famous-sounding people like Bob Dole and Bill Murray and Steve Young (no idea if they are the "real" famous people -- though I'm quite sure Bob Dole is not THE Bob Dole), and of course the kid that asked us all "what you talkin' about Willis?". It's a freakin zoo and a mockery of the democratic process and I love it. This is what should happen when "the people" fuck with an election that occurred six months before. California is going into the political shitter because they couldn't be happy with democracy as is...had to tamper with it. And they deserve whatever they get.

It all reminds of high school elections where there would be a candidate or two for class president that really wanted to be class president, but then there'd be the three or four people running just because it offered them the capability to make jack-asses of themselves in front of the school at the assembly and over the PA and on posters on the wall. That's all this is...a stupid high school mock election...only it's to cost the already cash-strapped California government a few million dollars and waste so many peoples' time. hilarity shall ensue.

Holy Cow. I knew I was having a crazy mood swing lately, but it didn't hit me until today just how bad it was. Egads. I am getting mad about the dumbest things. Pissed even. It's not good. What's worse is that when I get like this I am scared to death of even speaking to anyone, but unfortunately I don't learn until it's too late...hehe, yesterday I snapped at three different people -- all for ridiculous things. Man oh man.

It's just that life is horrible right now. I mean, I don't have a job, I don't have a computer, I don't even have a car...and to top it all off all my friends are too busy for me or out of town. It's enough to drive a sane man insane I'm telling you. I try to compensate by infusing a little more humor into my day but it doesn't work. Today my roommate's "girlfriends" phone started ringing at 8am and it woke me up...it rang twenty times by the time the two of them woke up. I mean, besides the fact that I'm a tad uncomfortable with the dynamics of their "relationship" (not blog material), it wasn't enough it get me mad usually...but I just about lost it. *sigh* I could list so many instances lately of stupid little things that have brought me to the edge of hulking out. Yeah. Ity sucks, I need a chill pill or, dare I say it...SOMA . I don't know, that's lame I know, but I gotta say something.

And then of course there's my perverted malsexed love-life being all consuming too. Too much time on my hands, too much sexual frustration, and a total lack of auto-erotic interest...not the best of combinations.

So, I don't have internet access in my place...but you already knew that. Now, I have no computer. Shit. The screen is all funky, looking at it like staring at the scrambled nudey channels on cable...not that I've ever done that. Every image shifts way to the right or left and things are otherwise all screwy. Egads.

I thought it might be a software glitch in Windows (not that Windows would ever present itself a glitch..ha) so I tried a few things which didn't work. So then I said screw it and formatted the entire hard-drive (my being real god about backing stuff up lately) TWICE and it still isn't working. Shit. So it's not a software thing...it's gotta be a hardware thing. Which isn't a HUGE problem because I bought a three-year warantee when I bought it 2 years and 10 months ago (yes, I think it's awesome that this happened two months BEFORE it ran out than the usual AFTER)...but it still means that it will be gone for at least two weeks while they ship it off to never-never land. *sigh*. How's a writer to supposed to write under these circumstances? How's a guy supposed to look for a jb hen he's used tochecking out prosective employers' websites for openings? Hmmmm....I guess it's video-game time for kyle.

This (and other things) are driving me to drink. Whereas I have gone three months only drinking a handful of times...I have gotten almost drunk every night for the past week. I don't know how much longer I can take things as thy are...I need a vacation, if not physically, at least mentally.