the failings of representative democracy

If you're a Bush supporter, odds are he doesn't stand for what you think he stands for. That's not because he isn't open and honest about where he stands on the issues, but because, more than likely, you are a sheep that'd vote for him no matter waht for whatever reason. Do I sound harsh? Look at this survey.

As it turns out, 84% of Bush supporters thought that Bush supported labor and environmental standards included in trade agreements...an idea that, for those of us who are politically astute, is a fucking hilarious joke. According to the survey, 69% of Bush supporters think he's for the Comprehenisive Test Ban treaty (ha!), 66% believe him to be for the International Criminal Court (do you read newspapers?), and 72% think he's for the banning of landmines (which, considering our extensive use of the even more inhumane cluster bombs -- not to mention Bush's seemingly unquenchable thirst for blood and destruction -- is quite possibly the most laughable idea of all). To be fair, a majority (57%) knew he wanted to increase defense spending (but begs the question as to what planet the 43% who thought the opposite was true are from) and that Bush wanted the US to be in charge of the rebuilding of Iraq, not the UN (70%).

Reading this story reminded me of this story I read a few weeks ago where a teacher in a very republican school district had her class vote for the candidates in an anonymous-issues-related poll and that came out with a 26-4 Kerry victory. Kids (and parents) booed their own vote when it was announced because they're supposed to have wanted Bush to win.

The problem I see here is that people are voting for all the wrong reasons. We have a representative government here and it's obvious from polls and studies like these that people are voting for representatives that they have no clue about. I mean, how can you want someone to represent you when you think he's one thing and he's actually the other? Really? Seriously. This is scary to me. The idea that 84% of a candidate's support could be wrong about his position on an issue is unacceptable in our system of government. It's just plain unacceptable. I can't repeat that enough times to stress how unacceptable it is.

I would love to blame Bush for this failing, but I can't. He isn't hiding his positions on any of these issues (to be fair, I don't think I've heard him state an opinion on the banning of landmies, though it isn't hard to extrapolate his position there). That means that it's the people that are just plain ignorant as hell. His supporters. People who are "supporting" a guy that they know nothing about. Sheep, lemmings... baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

God Bless America.

For the record, Kerry supporters were right most of the time on Kerry's position (though only 43% were correct in believing that Kerry wanted to keep defense spending level). Also, as a hypothetical campaign manager, I would read the 84% thinking that Bush supports labor and environmental standards as a weakness to exploit since it would seem that such standards seem relatively common sensical to many Bush voters. But then, I'm not a big enough retard to run a democratic presidential candidate's campaign it seems.

oops

This is kind of funny. Crazy drunks...

space oddity

Spaceship One flew into space again, this time with an included 40 barrell rolls that the pilot sounds to shrug off. This means that if they can launch again within the next ten days (and they plan to on October 4 I believe), they will win the $10 million Ansari X-prize.

As awesome as I find this whole thing -- being the science, astronomy, and adventure enthusiast that I am -- it bothers me in a way. There is just so much hurt in the world and we're flying spaceships up to win $10 million? Couldn't all that time, energy, and money be spent on better things? I don't know, it's not as bad as Virgin's plans to charge $190,000 for rides in Spaceship One knock-offs (even more money from more people that could be put to better use), but it still seems somethign of a waste.

But then again, it is pretty damn cool that someone will soon do it.

finally sent my application

I am now an applicant for a masters program (the MPA program at Western Michigan U.) and it feels good. I've been putting this off for way too long now and I just couldn't do it any longer. No, really, the thing was due on October 1 which is two days away.

(Lame) Joke aside, I'm pretty happy that I did it...it's at least a step in the right direction rather than standing in one spot and doing absolutely nothing.

...I still need to get down to the post office and overnight my transcripts so they're not late though. I wish the post office was trustworthy enough to mail things 60 miles away over night (which they probably would), but I don't want to take any chances, you know?

a good cause for october

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and also the month in which my mom was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer seven years ago now. In any case, it's something that hits close to home for me and as such, I like to support any causes that I come across.

That said, I just came across information for the third annual Blogger Boobie Thon which has raised thousands of dollars for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation over the past couple of years. There are two ways to help. First, is to take a picture of your chest. It doesn't matter if you're a guy or a girl, if you wanna show 'em all or dress 'em up a bit (a bunch of non-nude, though not safe for work, examples can be found here), or whatever. They will keep you anonymous and you'll be doing good work because the second way you can help is by paying/donating $50 to see the database of unclothed breasts (or just to donate to a good cause). Donated photos can be sent here (or I'm always accepting them for my own personal use too...jk). I will post the link to the official site when it becomes available.

In any case, although slightly erotic for this blog's taste, I wanted to provide you dear readers with an opportunity to help out a cause that means much to me, especially since it's an opportunity to do something (last year they raised $7000) at no expense to you.

the reset thing

The thing that I was trying to get at last night, I think, is the feeling of self-confidence that I haven't felt in so long. I feel rested and ready and willing and able to take on the world for the first time in years. It's weird to me how I am able to talk with perfect strangers lately, and I've even been able to flirt with girls (now to just find the right ones to flirt with and have them like me back). Hell, those things that have been bothering me for so long (some I don't talk about here, but people that know me in RL and read this blog know what I mean) just seem silly and trite to me. I don't know. It's like I'm fully coming into my own for the first time and it feels good.

birthday gift idea

My birthday is coming up and tickets are still available. Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more, say no more.

life reset

I was just about to finally go to bed just now when I stepped outside for my usual before bed stroll around the house to absorb the night-time world of the boondocks...and I found myself thinking about how much my life has changed in the past month or so since I've moved up here to my folks place. It's as if I've hit some sort of reset button and I'm in the middle of a reboot. It's a good thing.

Life had gotten very monotonous over the past couple of years, living in apartments, working whatever jobs I could find, barely scraping by an existence...my social life stagnant and static. My 26th year was the same, more or less, as my 25th, which was the same as my 24th, which was the same as my...well, you get my point and it was just making me tired. Tired of everything. But I am more awake now in some weird way.

I am finding myself more open-minded about things, I am seeing opportunities as real opportunities, and I am feeling a drive to improve myself that I don't think I've really ever felt before. I hate using yuppie terminology, but I feel an almost "go get-um" sot of thing going on. Maybe it's just because having moved into my parents' basement without a job and no life has proven to be the rock bottom that I've been treading just above for so long, but it's as if now there's some sort of base for me to launch myself up from. I *want* more than I have in so long, and I feel as though I can acheive some of those wants.

It's kind of cool.

I've been really looking at for rent classifieds and I really truly think that I can afford a one-bedroom place for myself come November and I'm really looking forward to moving out with just my cat for a roommate again. I look at my bank account and see that even though there's not much there, I can really do something with what I do have. More importatly, for me at least, I see and meet people and I'm being less shy. I guess the way to put it is that I feel more self-confidence than I ever have.

I don't know. I'm dead tired (as my typing probably shows, though it doesn't help that the only light I'm typing by is the computer screen's) and I'll probably think about this as I go to sleep, so maybe I'll right mre tomorrow, and maybe it will be a little more coherent, but it's just one of those self-epiphanies that I wanted to get down right away.

tell me what you think

As most regular visitors have probably noticed (as it seems from the stats that a lot of you go to www.pques.net and then click to the blog rather than just come directly here), I've changed up the design of my front page a bit using some pics of magazine letters that I snagged off the internet somewhere. It was bothering me having my picture there and all that...and having it all black (I also changed the color scheme of the forum to the light background/dark fontage that I changed this blog to a month ago or so). Anyway, let me know what you think...not that it matters I suppose, but I want to know how my web design is coming along, you know?

good ol mellisa

You know that idiot woman Mellisa Williamson? The one that I posted the Roanoke newspaper picture of smoking a cigarette while complaining that the sounds of jackhammers are going to hurt her unborn child? Yeah, I just found out that if you type her name into Yahoo's search engine (and assuming that her spelling really is "Mellisa Williamson" and not "Melissa Williamson" as most Melissas spell their name), I'm number three. This excites me. I hope she does it some time and sees my comments and realizes just how stupid she is for putting her kid at risk like that. Of coure, it doesn't really matter because that picture (and similar commentary) is making it's way through the blogosphere anyway and I probably wouldn't be surprised to see it on Leno at some point either. It really pisses me off to see that.

the blind are protecting us

Yeah, it wasn't Yusuf Islam that was on the terrorist watch list, it was Youssouf Islam. The ineptitude of the federal government (and spelling abilities of the TSA comparable to the oration abilities of the President) was responsible for Cat Stevens' plane to be sent 600 miles off course, incoveniencing the crap out of a bunch of passengers, and denying a man his perfectly legal rights to enter this country, according to Time.

Worse is the fact that it goes to show that the people watching our borders are A) totally inept at identifying specific individuals and B) slow as hell at doing it. Don't you feel safe?

Yusuf, by the way, is planning to sue. I hope he wins.

at least iraq's on the right track/wrong track

"I saw a poll that said the right track/wrong track in Iraq was better than here in America. (Chuckles.) It's pretty darn strong. I mean, the people see a better future." The President of the United States of America said this at a press conference with the Prime Minister of Iraq the other day.

Yes, that's right, the president said that Iraq -- a country on the verge of civil war -- has a better "right track/wrong track" (that's about the dumbest way I've ever heard a directional poll referred to in my life) than the United States of America. In other words, the President of the United States of America is campaigning on how good his record while at the same time standing up in front of a group of reporters, reporting that a country where there are significant areas that American troops are forbidden to go because it's simply too dangerous for the best armed military in the world, a country where people are kidnapped and beheaded, a country where anarchy is as much a possible future as democracy, has more optimism for it's future than the United States. Swell. I can really see why people support the guy.

the life aquatic

I finally got a chance to see the trailer for Wes Anderson's new movie, The Life Aquatic, and I can't wait. Wes is a Chuck-wearing geek genius and for that, I love him.

That is all.

smoke 'em if you got 'em

Mellisa Williamson, 35, a Bullitt Avenue resident (which is presumably in Roanoke, VA), is stupid. As such, she is this week's winner of the "all the wrong people are breeding" award. I mean, it's nice that she worres about the sounds of jackhammers and the effect they may have on her unborn baby, but I think there's more she should worry about.

blog stuff

I've added a couple of things to the blog here. First, there's now an XML feed if anyone's interested in syndicating this site. I was asked if I had one by someone that wanted to use it a few months ago and just now got around to setting it up. So there.

Second, I added a link to the new wwdn soapbox (now called teh soapbox) since Wil Wheaton decided that he couldn't devote enough time to the board on his site. Anyway, I'm writing this because I know that there are members of that board that read this blog and maybe haven't been around the last week to have heard of the move, and to invite any readers of this blog that aren't already members to swing by and sign up. There are a lot of cool monkeys there talking about just about anything and everything (and I mean everything *wink* *wink*) and it's about the only board I've managed to be able to stand (let alone like) for two full years. Anyway...

nobody likes me...

The reults of my SelectSmart presidential matching quiz thingy:

Your Results:

1. Your ideal theoretical candidate. (100%)
2. Cobb, David - Green Party (75%)
3. Nader, Ralph - Independent (75%)
4. Brown, Walt - Socialist Party (65%)
5. Kerry, Senator John, MA - Democrat (63%)
6. Bush, President George W. - Republican (27%)
7. Badnarik, Michael - Libertarian (25%)
8. Peroutka, Michael - Constitution Party (20%)

As you can see, no one really even comes close. I could vote third party or independent, but there's no one to get excited about there either. But, you can see that me and Dubya do agree a whole 27% of the time, which is probably the result of my abortion and guns feelings, but then again, "my man" Kerry is a whole 63%. Whoopity-do!

There haven't been any comments for over a week here, so your assignment for the day is to take the quiz and POST A COMMENT DAMMIT!!!

:D

a message from above

Florida's been getting slammed by hurricanes this year...just months before the election. Coincidence? Let's see, Florida was the state where hanging chads came into favor in 2000, where Republicans fucked up democracy in this country, and well, what else needs to be said? Anyway, the storm tracks of those hurricanes. I think it's fair to say that God hates Dubya.

In the interest of fairness, Snopes has it's say.

democracy at work

From Yahoo News:

Millions of U.S. citizens, including a disproportionate number of black voters, will be blocked from voting in the Nov. 2 presidential election because of legal barriers, faulty procedures or dirty tricks, according to civil rights and legal experts.

The largest category of those legally disenfranchised consists of almost 5 million former felons who have served prison sentences and been released.

In total, 13 percent of all black men are barred from voting due to a felony conviction, according to the Commission on Civil Rights. Polls consistently find that black Americans overwhelmingly vote for Democrats.

It is odd to me that felons cannot vote after they've served their time, but it really doesn't surprise me a whole lot that Republicans are often the ones preventing any reform there (just like they were the one against those evil motor voter laws that made it easier for people -- including youths and [yikes!] blacks -- to register). Dropping the sarcasm a bit, this is one of those things that pushed me away from the Republican Party several years ago...a sort of repressed racism of sorts.

it's safe to come out now

Cat Stevens has been deported. I think we can all sleep a little bit easier knowing that a guy who has consistently preached peace and condemned terroist violence isn't going to be on this side of the Atlantic any time soon. whew.

Your tax dollars (and anti-terrorism resources) at work people.

if only bush would admit it...

From Yahoo News:

Leading members of President Bush's Republican Party on Sunday criticized mistakes and "incompetence" in his Iraq policy and called for an urgent ground offensive to retake insurgent sanctuaries.

In appearances on news talk shows, Republican senators also urged Bush to be more open with the American public after the disclosure of a classified CIA report that gave a gloomy outlook for Iraq and raised the possibility of civil war.

"The fact is, we're in deep trouble in Iraq ... and I think we're going to have to look at some recalibration of policy," Republican Sen. Chuck Hagel of Nebraska said on CBS's "Face the Nation."

"We made serious mistakes," said Sen. John McCain, an Arizona Republican who has campaigned at Bush's side this year after patching up a bitter rivalry.

McCain, speaking on "Fox News Sunday," cited as mistakes the toleration of looting after the successful U.S.-led invasion of Iraq in 2003 and failures to secure Iraq's borders or prevent insurgents from establishing strongholds within the country.

avast maties!

Look at the date me land-lubbin' swabbies! Tis International Talk Like a Pirate Day and if you don't yer a chum-lovin' blige rat.

soundtrack to my life vol. iv

Right now, if my life were a movie (and not just some Truman Show-esque broadcast phenomena on basic cable), and it had a soundtrack, the following songs would be on the current volume (in no particular order):

"Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space" by Spiritualized
"The Wrong Child" by R.E.M.
"Somebody" by Depeche Mode
"Get Me Away From Here I'm Dying" by Belle & Sebastian
"The Good Life" by Weezer
"Mr. Jones" by Counting Crows
"Desperado" (Johnny Cash cover)
"The Bends" by Radiohead
"Fight Test" by The Flaming Lips
"New Brighton Promenade" by the Boo Radleys
"Glory Days" by Pulp

help me

I'm in dire straights here. I need help. If anyone would be willing to click here and do one or two of the things, it would really help me out. I know I've asked for help before, but now I really need it. It won't inconvenience you a bit.

fighting the corporate power

So for years now, one of the local stations has been providing this metropolitan area of over a million people with two doses of the Simpsons every day. Once at 5pm and the other at 6pm. Though it was inconvenient that there was a half hour of King of the Hill (there might as well be dead air in my mind since that show makes me want to go into convulsions I think it's so retarded), it was still two episodes of the Simpsons so even if you happened to miss one, you could catch the other. Sweet.

Well, WXMI 17 of Grand Rapids, MI wanted to add Malcolm in the Middle to its 4-8pm gob of old syndicated reruns so it had to drop something...it dropped one of those episodes...the six o'clock one. It could have dropped one of the TWO episodes of King of the Hill, it could have dropped Home Improvement altogether (does anyone watch that?), or they could have dropped Everyone Loves Raymond too, since I only know one person who actually watches that show (well, hello there!), but no, it had to be the Simpsons. So I wrote them... (the complaint process with censored last names and addresses:)

-----Original Message-----
From: XXXXXXXXXX@hotmail.com [mailto:XXXXXXXXX@hotmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, September 07, 2004 10:21 PM
To: WXMI Feedback
Cc: WXMI Feedback
Subject: Web Site Feedback

name: Kyle XXXXXXXXX
city: Grand Rapids, MI
email: XXXXXXXXXX@hotmail.com

Seriously, you're taking away one Simpsons episode and keeping two episodes
of King of the Hill? You guys on crack? I can't help but think it should
be the other way around.


URL: http://fox17.trb.com/about/site/feedback/


-----Original Message-----
From: xxxxxx, Amy On Behalf Of WXMI Feedback
Sent: Wednesday, September 08, 2004 8:24 AM
To: 'XXXXXXXX@hotmail.com'; WXMI Feedback; xxxxxxx, Pennie
Subject: RE: Web Site Feedback

Kyle-

Thank you for your feedback. I am forwarding your message to FOX 17's
Creative Services Director.


------THE REPLY:---------
Dear Kyle,

Thanks for letting us know your input. You are not alone as many other
viewers feel the same way! We'll keep your thoughts in mind for the future.

Best regards,

Pennie XXXXXXXX
Director of Advertising, Promotion & Creative Services
FOX 17 WXMI
3117 Plaza Drive NE
Grand Rapids, MI 49525
616.364-8722
Fax: 616.364.8506
XXXXXXXXX@wxmi.com

Power to the People!!! Actually, I'm just sharing because I think it's cool that they took me at least semi-seriously even though my complaint accused them on being on that most whack of drugs.

"headed towards democracy..."

Yes, Bush is still saying that about Iraq even though the National Intelligence Estimate he received in July, put together by American intelligence officials, says that things aren't good. It even includes the very real possibility that the country will erupt in all out civil war. Bush has himself backed off of claims that national elections will be held in January and is now stating in speeches that elections are "scheduled" to be held in January.

So let's see, why have over a thousand American troops and tens of thousands of innocent Iraqi citizens died then? To stop a madman from using WMDs? Nope, he didn't have them. To enforce UN resolutions? Ha...enforce UN Resolutions by crapping on the Geneva Conventions, that's a good one. To spread democracy? Maybe after a few years of bloody civil war it looks like. Yeah, it seems like those people died for little more than the shits and giggles (and maybe even wet dreams) for a bunch of staunchy old men with empirialistic ambitions for this country. Fantastic. Just fan-fucking-tastic.

As much of a dill-weed as Kerry is, how can anyone choose Bush over him...really?

my unenthusiastic support

I don't think I can stand John Kerry anymore. It sucks, because I hate George W. Bush with just about every fiber of my being (or, rather, hate the cronies behind W. like Ashcroft and Rumsfeld and Cheney and Wolfowitz) but I have just lost any passion I may have had for Kerry.

I mean, I was a reluctant Dean supporter at first...liking what the guy had to say but weary of his ability to win a national election. When he faltered, I started hoping that Edwards would be able to pull ahead, but when Kerry ended up doing it I succomed to the fact and accepted that at least he was the most statesman-like of the lot of them. I mean, all I really cared about was Bush getting beat.

And so I jumped on the Kerry bandwagon. I signed up for the campaign. Heck, I'm a friggen team leader in charge of a group of door-to-door knockers (if the campaign would call me...I haven't heard anything from them in a month...rather disorganized). Anyway, I knew nothing about the guy except what he looked like on tv and what he had to say when making a victory speech after a win in whatever the state primary of the week was. It didn't matter. I would have supported whoever could beat Bush.

I listened to Kerry's speeches, I read much on his website, I started to come to like some of his ideas and started actually liking him for him, and not just for the fact that he is not George W. Bush. After the convention I was pretty excited even...I thought that maybe this was some guy that I would actually like to have as president, not just some guy I'd settle with to make sure that the douchebag extraordinaire was back in Texas reading kids' books to sheep and making millions from the Carlyle Gorup for his warmongering/profiteering over the past three years.

It's gone now. John Kerry has said ome boneheaded things. He would have gone into Iraq, it turns out...he wasn't against it as he said he was. He wants to give tax cuts to corporations. He doesn't want to repeal the facist-dictatorship permitting Patriot Act. He doesn't want to take a stand on anything and fight for it...and that just rattles my paranoid bones, makes me worried that he is nothing more than a corporate stooge not that unlike Bush. I mean, in 2000 I had a bumper sticker on my car that read "Bush/Gore 2000" because I honestly didn't see much difference between their philosophies. I'm just not seeing that much difference here either. Not any more.

Granted, I will be voting for Kerry in November, but I will be doing so with a heavy heart and maybe with a little throw-up in my mouth because I will be doing so for all the wrong reasons. I will be doing so only for the reason that George W. Bush is the biggest fuckup to ever hold the office of President and the most sadistic, war-mongering bastard at that. It will be a protest vote against something and not a proactive voice of affirmation that a vote in a democratic republic should be. Not only that, but I won't have a whole lot of confidence after the fact that things will get any better. They may very well not get any worse (and the likes of Ashcroft, Rumsfeld, and Cheney will forever be just a memory/nightmare in the national consciuosness), but it won't be the U-turn back to better times that I was hoping it might be.

four books, no titles

I was looking at some of the stats for this blog in my blogger profile and besides the fact that I have written 860 posts at an average rate of 6 per week over the last 2 years and some odd months, but I have written 207,726 words. Considering that the average book is around 50,000 words, that means that I have written four books worth of posts on this here blog in two years. Four books, that's a lot. And, considering that at some points in time my blog is maybe only a quarter of what I write (at other times being all that I write), I have to wonder just how many books worth of writing I've done over the past two years and, for that matter, throughout my life...with nary a one title to show for it.

See, this is my problem...I misdirect my energies. I could have three titles or more on the NY Times Bestsellers List right now with maybe a Pulitzer in one pocket and the Nobel Prize for Literature in the other (and the million bucks -- or whatever it is these days -- in the bank) but I just write here, in my little ol' online journal thingamabob. *sigh*

dancing kitty-cats

Cat, I'm a kitty cat, and I dance dance dance dance dance dance dance.

what a boy wants

I've been watching a lot of movies lately, movies about life and love and all that crap. It's all a guy can do when he's bored out of his skull living out in the boonies with no car to leave the boonies in. Anyway, when you're in the mindset that I've been in for the last month or two and watching movies where boys and girls find each other and all that crap, it tends to get you thinking and, well, it has...and I just want to write down what it is I'm looking for in a girl. There's absolutely no reason to comment on this, it's just one of those things that I want to write down for my own recollection years down the road, but I want to do so here, in a public place, because I think it's good to hear people say...for other guys to see that they're not alone, for girls to see that guys like me (and us) do exist.

The thing that I most look for in a girl is a girl that brings to my life a new perspective of the world and myself. I want a girl that is like me in some regards, but is totally not me (in fact, opposite) in other regards. I want a girl who has a different take on life, a different reference point from which to view the world so that I might gain a fuller perspective of life myself...in a way forcing me to become a more complete person. In that way, I want a girl that changes me, makes me a better person, draws out of me those bits of my personality that might make life that much more enjoyable to live. I want a girl who makes me comfortable with who I am while at the same time, calms my nervousness and all those irritating quirks and annoyances that I have that come along with my introspective shyness. I want to be more outgoing, more open, more willing to express my inner-most felt thoughts and emotions. I want a girl around whom I feel safe enough to let down my guard, drop the walls, and be myself in my entirety. I want a girl who can look past my bad traits and see the good within, coaxing me out of my shell in a soft and gentle way, making more more complete...making me feel whole...loving me.

I want a girl that doesn't just take my bullshit at face value. I hate it when people laugh at my stupid jokes when they don't really think they're funny (and, let's face it, most of my jokes aren't...I know it better than anyone). I hate it when people take what I say as the gospel truth. I hate it when I am agreed with all the time. I hate it when people think of me as faultless and perfect and wonderful...or at least treat me to my face as though they think I am. I like to feel as though I have room to improve, room to grow, room to change, and to feel that maybe with someone else grow with her into someone bigger and better...she and I becoming something even bigger than the sum of our parts. I like to be challenged, I like to be questioned, I like to be thought of as fallible and, well, human...an imperfect human. I don't have that huge an ego and I hate having the one that I have be force-fed pitchforks full of manure. I like the real. I love the real.

I want a girl that will stand by me and be there for me and listen to me, not because she feels she needs to in order to sustain our relationship or gain my love, but because she wants to...because she has some inner need to do so. I want a girl that I can trust completely and who I can support and be by and listen to because I want to...just because. Because I love her. I don't want to feel compelled to love in order to keep her by my side, I want to love to have her by my side, no matter what. I want to want to carry her through the darkest alleys, beating up the biggest boogiemen that she might come across in life for no other reason than that I want to keep her safe, protect her, just because I love her.

I want somebody with whom I can spend time with and not feel compelled to do anything...just enjoying each others' company. I want a girl that has such a presence in my heart and mind that she just existing is as close, comfortable, and reassuring as she and I cuddled closely together under a blanket in front of a fireplace. I want to feel that togetherness, that oneness, without having to be with them physically. I want a girl who can bring a smile to my face just thinking about her.

I want a girl that is curious about the world and who would want to search out meaning and adventure with me. I want a girl who travels, not just geographically, but spirtually, emotionally, intellectually too. A girl that just wants to see how other people do things, wants to understand why other people think the way that they do. I want a girl that is constantly looking for a better way, constantly questioning the direction that her life is going, and constantly trying to improve her own life because she believes, as I do, that a life of static is not worth living.

I don't know. I just wanted to get that out. I've been realizing how bad I've been in the past at finding girls that fit that description and how much better I've gotten at finding girls like that more recently (at least the last two). In the past, I often found myself going after the wrong kind of girl, girls not good enough for me, but I feel as though I've pulled myself back on track...even if it's to find that all the trains I'm interested in taking are heading in a different direction. *sigh* Oh well, that's life I guess. I just hope that in realizing this, maybe I can move ahead.

some good from hurricanes

Hurricanes aare bad. I needn't editorialize that anymore. But there is one guy in Florida doing something about it. I mean, you gotta make lemons into lemonade and hurricanes are some crazy-big lemons if nothing else. Anyway, after Hurricane Francis who sold some Hurricane wind, caught in a Tupperware container (or, actually, sold a couple of such packages). Now he's selling a kite flown in Hurricane Ivan wind with the procedes going to his local humane society. Even if you don't have any interest in the kite, it's still good reading (and pictures).

i'm fucking lazy

If you are familiar with the lyrics of Green Day's "Longview" you know what I mean.

hehe...just thought that'd be funny (but sad, in it's trueness). Heck, I'm so bored I've gone and added a section on the sidebar over there for my favorite google hook-ups. Right now some of them are lame because my favorites have been lost to history, but yeah, I'm bored.

the 10 year nightmare is over!

For ten years now, hunters have had to make do with only ten shots per clip in their semi-automatic assault rifles which sucks when it it takes at least twenty bullets to take down one of today's super-deer. But today the assault weapons ban expired and we can all go out and buy 30 bullet clips as well as assualt weapons loaded to the hilt with pistol grips, bayonet mounts, flash suppressors, and retractable stocks...all of them surely necessary to kill wildlife in a very legal way.

...It's funny how in a country that cowers (or rather, rushes to Home Depot to stock up on duct tape and plastic sheeting) at the mere mentioning of "terrorism"; in a country where the last two elections have focused themselves almost entirely on safety issues; in a country where people are more concerned about the possiblity of a madman maybe wanting to possibly use weapons of mass destruction that he may have possibly researched the eventual commission of studies into the someday production of than they are about unemployment, health crises, and budget explosions; in a country that is, in a word, paranoid...we let a piece of legislation that is common sense in it's ability to deter violence lapse.

Sure, Dubya has said he would sign it if passed on to him from Congress, but it's not as if he pushed them to. Heck, I'd fuck Alysson Hannigan if given the chance, but I'm not exactly asking her out or anything.

This is backwards...and the saddest thing of all is that the people most concerned with security don't care.

no rest for the weary (or the desperately poor)

So I have been trying to waste my time away up here by making new ecommerce websites to maybe bring in a little cash (the bookstore job I got not). Anyway, I just put up one that is only three-quarters done called DVDs galore in the hopes that I can maybe get a person or two a day to go through and sign up, which would bring me in a good $500 a month. If I play the cards right and get the search engines to like me, that one has potential of making me thousands of bucks a month too. Which would be nice.

I am also putting together a travel site called Vacation Package Shopper which will hopefully bring in a little bit of cash too. It's not completely up yet...actually, nothing's there right now. Actually, if I can get people looking for vacation packages online...I make between 2-7% on packages that can run as high as a few thousand dollars, so a couple people a month could make me rich. As long as they like long vacations, far from home, in nice hotels.

I've also revamped a site I've been running on minimal success (largely in part to the fact that my shitty VAIO SONY notebook...c'mon google, pick up on that phrase...crapped out on me before I was able to finish it). You can take a look at it too (it's called WebHosts Etc. and if you are looking into hosting a site or getting a new ISP, you can go through there, find something, and make me some money.

It's really hard to get this done around here even though I have the place to myself many hours a day. On wekends, my brother spends, literally, hours upon hour upon hours on the computer (yesterday he spent EIGHT HOURS playing some stupid internet game where people just sit in little carts trying to shoot each other) which means that I don't get any time. Oh well, I need a break. You know what they say about all work and no play...

Then again, I seem to be getting stuck up here more than I thought I would. Seems that to many of my friends I'm out of sight, out of mind...

wake up and smell the fascism

I got this via Geekman's site -- 14 characteristics common to fascist regimes -- and thought I'd share.

the waiting is over?

I was talking with my 16 year old brother the other day and some of the things that he said I have been thinking about a lot. First a little background.

He plays a lot of video games. A lot. If he's awake and not at school, there's at least a fifty-fifty chance that he's on the computer or the Game Cube or the Playstation 2 or maybe even on the X-Box borrowed from a little gamer friend. When he's not playing, he's reading a magazine about games or watching a tv show about games...when he's with friends he's playing games. Only rarely does he actually do anything, and that is only when his friends coax him into doing something else.

Needless to say, there are no girls. The other day one of them called him however. He was playing one game or another on his Game Cube while "talking" but by "talking a mean a string of gruntish sounds given off, his focus almost entirely on the game he was playing. It's not just girls either, but rather anytime anyone calls. If you're not calling about video games, it's too bad for you.

I asked him about it, about all the time he spends in front of the television instead of going out and doing the sorts of things that 16 year olds do. I've asked him before when he was younger about why he's never -- that's right, never -- played a pick-up game of football or soccer or any of the things I used to do. I've asked him how he could have lived in a house with deep woods behind it and never -- yes, never -- built a fort of any sort out there. I've asked him why he never simply goes outside, socializes, all that crap...

His answer this time bothered me. "That's what college is for". Not so much the fort and the like -- those potential childhood memories are lost forever -- but the girls and the rabble-rousing and all the stuff that's just part of being an adolescent. The sort of stuff that I sort of regret never doing myself. The sort of stuff that, deep down, I blame for at least part of my social ineptitude.

I tried to tell him that now is the time to fool around, now is the time to be stupid, because now is the time for him to be able to make as many mistakes as he can without fear of recourse beyond possibly being yelled at or grounded. But still, "that's what college is for". He'd rather just sit around and play video games.

It has occurred to me, however, that my being upset with him for being such a moron in these regards is much the same as my being upset with myself. He, after all, is doing that which I have done for most of my life...saying "later".

I am living right now. I am here and I am now. My life is nowhere and all I do is sit around and tell myself that tomorrow I'll go someplace. I make excuses, tell myself that things will be different once the sun rises again, but then I just sit back and wait for it...always finding that the rotation of the Earth alone does absolutely nothing to advance my life. Not one iota. I've sat and waited hours, sat and waited weeks, sat and waited months and years. I've been out of college for almost six bloody years and I haven't done a thing with my life and the wealth of knowledge that it has provided me. I tell myself that I will go back to school, I tell myself that I will learn to speak Spanish, I tell myself that I will travel more, that I'll get myself out of debt, that I'll get married and have kids, that I'll start a business, that I'll do this and that, large and small, but I don't. I just sit around and play video games all day long (okay, not video games, per se, but work dead-end jobs, write things that I'll never get paid for, that sort of thing) and tell myself that I'll get off my rump tomorrow...because that's what tomorrow is for.

Bullshit.

I do believe that I am happy. I do believe that I am a well-rounded individual. I do believe that I have purpose, profound purpose, in this world; but I also believe that I am squandering all of it, not living up to my potential at all. I must begin living in the now, I must begin doing thigns today rather than telling myself that I will wait until tomorrow...because a life of waiting is not a life, it is a breadline. I can no longer wait around for people to change their minds about me, I can no longer sit around and wait for the stars to align so that I can do what I want to do...I need to search out those people that want what I want now, I need to push those stars as closely together as I can to do what it is that I want, what I am meant, to do. I need to stop making excuses and just do it. Just be. I need to live, because God only gives us so much time on this Earth...to waste so much of it just waiting is just plain dumb.

life in the boondocks

Well, I've been at my folks house for a full week now and I'm settling in. It is still sucking how little privacy I have, but I'm coping. I'm sleeping on the futon in the basement, in the room next to the washer and dryer, so that leaves me having to wear more clothes to bed than I'm used to...never knowing when someone might come down to check the laundry. Two one-year-old dogs upstairs on hardwood floors, wrestling with each other is loud, but I'm getting used to that too...sleeping through their 6am scuffles for the most part. The only thing that still sucks horribly (aside from the nosiness thing) is the US Postal Service and the ridiculous amount of time it takes them to redirect my mail. One check I'm supposed to have gotten a full week ago now still hasn't come here, a paycheck that I should've gotten on Saturday too...and I'm still waiting for my security deposit back. This is car money...and I need a car because I just don't have the balls to ask my friends to come up here to pick me up and I don't feel right always borrowing cars. Oh well.

There are some benefits though. It has been so long since I've been able to go outside and hear nothing but the soft hum of the expressway a mile and a half away from here. It's been way too long since I've been able to go outside at night, look up, and see the Milky Way rather than the pinkish glow of city lights. I love that...I never realized how much I missed it. I've always been an astronomy buff, and I find myself going out nightly and staring up, trying to re-acquaint myself with the universe.

Anyway, I'm coping I guess, but I am still so looking forward to getting out of here, getting a car, and resuming a more private and quiet existence again.

they can smell fear, you know

Yesterday, Dickless Cheney said at a campaign rally that a vote for Kerry would open the door to another terrorist attack against the United States. Yes, that's right...the Vice President of the United States of America had the nerve to suggest that if you don't vote for him, you are, in effect, putting into motion the deaths of Americans. To be exact, he said, "It's absolutely essential that eight weeks from today, on Nov. 2, we make the right choice, because if we make the wrong choice then the danger is that we'll get hit again and we'll be hit in a way that will be devastating from the standpoint of the United States." Yeah. Swell. I betcha that's exactly what George Washington and the gang were hoping this country would come to eventually...scare tactics.

Never mind that terrorists attack no matter who's in charge of this country (and besides, wasn't it Bush that was in charge in 2001? Yeah, and I'm not blaming him necessarily), never mind that Republicans have been bitching from day one of the democrats making these sorts of "the sky is falling" screams, it is unamerican of Dick Cheney. Not that I'd expect anything less of him.

At least this time the deomcrats aren't taking it up their rears like they so often do. Today, according to the AP, John Edwards said

"This statement by the vice president of the United States was intended to divide us...It was calculated to divide us on an issue of safety and security for the American people. It's wrong and it's un-American."

some crap before i go to bed

First off, I got my stiches out today. I was supposed to last week, but because of the fact that the gash in my leg is right below my calf (and a large calf it is, me being a bicyclist and all), they decided to keep it in an extra week when I went to get it out (or not out) last week as was first ordered...anyway, I got the bill. It is going to cost me $426 and change. Yeah. That ain't cheap. So I know I sound like a begger here, but doing some of the information requests in the ads on the bottom of the right-hand column would be a HUGE help (on average, I get $10-15 per lead to most of those companies and all you do is get a phone call or letter in the mail). Getting a free Psychic Reading from Keen (and putting a buck or two in you account once signing up) nets me $50. Yup. It's sweet.

In any case, it's nice to have the stitches out...it's really a pain how they would snag on clothing and blankets and stuff.

The second thing is that I had an interview today with a local bookstore. I guess they were interviewing only six people for two or three positions (depending on the full-time/part-time nature of the interviewees and how many they liked). I think it went well, he seemed to like my application, and I have experience and Barnes & Noble so I'm hoping that I get the job. I should know tomorrow. Cross your fingers for me eh? Between that and the internet gig (as well as the bouncing gig I decided to work one night a week instead of two), it would be three jobs and enough for me to get my own place again, a car, and maybe pay down some of my debt. Hopefully.

Anyway, just wanted to mention those things...and ask for the help monetarily and karmically.

yarr!

Only twelve days until everyone's favorite holiday. Yes, that's right, September 19 is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Mark your calendars.

the white stuff at camp david

According to Kitty Kelley's new book, Dubya did cocaine at Camp David while his pappy was president. Is Kitty Kelley the greatest biographer on Earth whop gets everything right all the time? No. But if there's a kernel of truth in the charge it says a lot about the "dignity" that Dubya has for the office of President of the United States of America -- though nothing that his thrashing of the Constitution over the past few years hasn't already shown us.

we're not in lake wobegon anymore

reprinted (in part), without any permission whatsoever, from In These Times

We're not in Lake Wobegon Anymore by Garrison Keillor:

Here in 2004, George W. Bush is running for reelection on a platform of tragedy—the single greatest failure of national defense in our history, the attacks of 9/11 in which 19 men with box cutters put this nation into a tailspin, a failure the details of which the White House fought to keep secret even as it ran the country into hock up to the hubcaps, thanks to generous tax cuts for the well-fixed, hoping to lead us into a box canyon of debt that will render government impotent, even as we engage in a war against a small country that was undertaken for the president’s personal satisfaction but sold to the American public on the basis of brazen misinformation, a war whose purpose is to distract us from an enormous transfer of wealth taking place in this country, flowing upward, and the deception is working beautifully.

The concentration of wealth and power in the hands of the few is the death knell of democracy. No republic in the history of humanity has survived this. The election of 2004 will say something about what happens to ours. The omens are not good.

Our beloved land has been fogged with fear—fear, the greatest political strategy ever. An ominous silence, distant sirens, a drumbeat of whispered warnings and alarms to keep the public uneasy and silence the opposition. And in a time of vague fear, you can appoint bullet-brained judges, strip the bark off the Constitution, eviscerate federal regulatory agencies, bring public education to a standstill, stupefy the press, lavish gorgeous tax breaks on the rich.

There is a stink drifting through this election year. It isn’t the Florida recount or the Supreme Court decision. No, it’s 9/11 that we keep coming back to. It wasn’t the “end of innocence,” or a turning point in our history, or a cosmic occurrence, it was an event, a lapse of security. And patriotism shouldn’t prevent people from asking hard questions of the man who was purportedly in charge of national security at the time.

no place like home

I've been homeless now for about a week, tonight being the seventh night in a row I have slept at my parents. It sucks. It sucks being twenty miles North of nowhere and noweher is where all of my friends are at. It sucks having to listen to constant noise of two dogs fighting and my hard of hearing dad constantly asking my step-mother who has to constantly talk about one thing or another to repeat the last thing she said. It sucks that I am eating crap food again since my parents are all about convenience food and not at all about health (not to say they haven't tried to talk me into the Atkin's crap that they're into, just that they don't exercise, eat well, or do much of anything that's healthy).

But it sucks most that I am realizing just how annoying I can be. The girl friend whom I would like to call girlfriend has many times over the past month or two complained that I am "too nosey". Though I know I ask a lot of questions of just about everyone, I didn't even really think of myself as being too intrusive with them and, as such, not really nosey...just..."curious". But living here for a week, I have come to full terms with just how annoying my curiosity can be, my father and 16-year-old brother being nosey as well. Holy crap in the Pope's hat I can't do a damn thing without being questioned around here...not in any sort of paranoid, malignant, or overtly intrusive way, but just in a sort of "way do you care" sort of way...like, "it's none of your business, it has absolutely nothing to do with you, just please let me live my life in peace, okay?" I want to go to my room and read -- someone will ask me what I'm reading. I want to stop by a friend's house after borrowing the car to bring my 25-yo brother home -- I'm asked who, where, and for how long. I am typing on the computer -- I'm asked what I'm writing or to whom.

It's FUCKING annoying. If I had longer hair, I'd be pulling it out (I guess I'm more worried about balding than I thought...I found a picture I took of my bald spot while uploading protest pictures from my camera).

I hate when it takes others acting the way that you do to figure out how bad you're acting. I suppose it's good to know though, eh? At least now I can work on myself.

a sadistic milestone

Today, a car bomb killed seven Marines near Falluja. This brings the total of US servicemen and women who have been killed in the sands of Iraq to 993 (854 since the "Mission Accomplished" photo-op on the USS Abe Lincoln), just seven people away from an even One Thousand. This does not include the 133 soldiers who have died in Afghanistan. This does not include the approximately 149 civilian contractors from around the world that have been killed, the 23 still missing civilians, the 65 British troops, or the 66 troops from other members of the so-called "Coalition of the Willing" that have died. It does not include the 6497 American troops that were listed as wounded in action by the Pentagon by August 14, 2004. It does not include the approximately 12,000 or so Iraqi civilians -- whose only crime was living within the boundaries of Saddam's Iraq -- that have perished since the United States started with the whole "Shock and Awe" crap. It doesn't include the countless thousands of Iraqi soldiers drafted into the military under fear of reprisals against their bodies and their loved ones, used as fodder under the military machine of our military.

No, the cost of life of this war is already thousands...tens of thousands (the cost in dollars is in the hundreds of BILLIONS). And for what? To catch one madman and kill his sons because he might of could have wanted to do something bad with weapons he didn't have? Oh, my head.

In any case, the United States is seven troop-deaths away from reaching the 1000-mark.

still an intp

Since I'm on the internet all day today, checking out links and reading through some of what I've written in the past, I ended up looking at the INTP page that I have linked to on my stats page. It is incredible how much that things applies to me, especially on the relationships page (which pretty much lists all the difficulities that I seem to have in every sort of relationship that exists in my life -- especially in my constant analyzing things which seems to put people off...but I can't help it). Anyway, so I took a test again and found that nothing has changed...which I guess makes sense since the description fit me, but anyway...

Does anyone else out there know where they are? I am really interested in this thing because, well, it has me so pegged it's ridiculous. I almost wish I could go around with a printout of everything I've ever read about INTPs and have people read it to understand me...because it would save me heaps of energy in trying to explain myself all the time...

...which, of course, leads me to the request that if you know me in real life and are reading this, please read this...it'll save us both a bunch of grief.

yes, i changed the blog

I got sick of the old template and so I'm putting up this one. It's lighter and simpler and all that crap which means it's fen shui goodness.

compassionate conservatism at it's best

"I wish we lived in the day where you could challenge a person to a duel"

That is what Sen. Zell Miller (Democrat in name only) told Chris Matthews after his rather insane keynote speech at the Republican Convention last night; a speech in which he suggested such things as John Kerry's desire to arm the United States military with "spit balls" rather than real weaponry.

It's so swell that American politics has moved to a point where Vice Presidents have to tell highly ranking Senators to go fuck themselves and Senators have no better way to deal with their detractors than threatening duels...ain't it? Yeah, swell.

flip-floppin' away

So we all know that John Kerry is a flip-flopper, right? Yeah. Okay. But has anyone else been watching the president's little escapades this week? On Monday, he told Matt Lauer that he didn't think we could win the war on terror and now he's all over the place saying that we, of course, can. Of course, he has clarified now to the point where we will win..."just not in the conventional way" which is, of course, just bullshit.

It's funny to me because I don't think it's winnable either, not in any sort of "conventional" way, but then I'm not the one supporting the use of conventional means in fighting it. How can a man fight a war like any other war in human history with invasion forces, bombs, and all that crap and then get away with the double-speak of saying that those "conventional" means won't ultimately work? Ugh. Seriously, this war is being fought with intelligence and bombs which is very much the way that the president has admitted now will not and cannot work...meanwhile, options like diplomacy (which opens the doors to non-conventional tactics) are dismissed with a sort of scorched-earth retreat into American isolationism.

Man, I need an aspirin.

dear catastrophe waitress

Just another song I keep playing over and over and over again:

Belle & Sebastian, "Step into my Office, Baby" off of Dear Catastrophe Waitress (worth the listen if you're into Belle & Sebastian already, otherwise check out If You're Feeling Sinister...though that CD will show you why Jack Black called them "sad bastard music" in High Fidelity):

She called me up today
Meet me down at the old café
I jumped into the shower
I was getting my marching orders

We need to talk
Step into my office, baby
I want to give you the job
A chance of overtime
Say, my place at nine?

She’d never stand for any lies
She’s got an Out Tray full of guys
I could sense a breath, a whole new feeling
Now she says she wants to call a meeting

We need to talk
Step into my office, baby
I want to give you the job
A chance of overtime
Say, my place at nine?

I’m a slave to work
I’m only living when I walk amongst the office staff
And catch up with the office wag
I’ll be in bed by nine
My curtains drawn
My thoughts composed
I get to work on time

She gave me some dictation
But my strength is in administration
I took down all she said
I even took down her little red dress

We need to talk
Step into my office, baby
I want to give you the job
I’m pushing for a raise
I’ve been pushing now for days

My output is in decline
I was burned out after Thatcher
My banner I laid down with a sigh
Now I doubt if I’ll ever catch her

I’ve got to change my ways
Dress for business every day
A sharp suit and a kipper tie
A big arrow pointing to my fly

We need to talk
Step into my office, baby
I want to give you the job
A chance of overtime
Say, my place at nine?

i'm offically a bum

So I moved out of my place today. yay. I hate moving, and I hated having to give up the place, but the fact that I know no one looking for a roommate and neither do any of the people that I do know (I didn't try going to the third degree of relations, but that'd be too much anyway). So anyway, I'm at my Dad's place which sorta sucks because it's twenty-five North of nowhere and I don't have a car. I'll probably be able to get one with my internet business money and the money I'll be saving by not paying rent or utilities or for food...and I'll be able to cook some more since I'm sorta in a funk where I just don't feel like cooking for just myself and for some reason no one seems to ever want to take me up on my invitations for dinner (my cooking's not that bad, is it Tiger Lilly?). But now I have a captive audience that usually just eats crappy convenience foods and microwaveable roasts ad the like. blech.

Anyway, I'm tired. Damn tired. I woke up this morning at 9:30 and was moving my stuff by 11...pretty much continuously until 7 or so tonight, and after eating dinner for another hour or two. I'm even too tired to get into the hot tub...

However...I do get to have my stitches taken out tomorrow. Ain't that sweet? I think I'll put 'em up for auction on eBay even...I'll post the link to the sale page.